20070824

East to West -- Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning in Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me; I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight

I know You’ve cast my sin as far the East is from the West
And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the East is from the West?
'Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the East is from the West, from one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins; endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the East is from the West?
'Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far the East is from the West, from one scarred hand to the other

I know You’ve washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel, about the truth Your word reveals
And I’m not holding onto You
But You’re holding onto me
You’re holding onto me

Jesus, You know just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I’ve been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest (mercy I find rest)
You know just how far the East is from the West, from one scarred hand to the other

(Just how far, the East is from the West, Just how far)
From one scarred hand to the other
(You know just how far, the East is from the West, Just how far)
From one scarred hand to the other


i love songs.

they have a morbidly beautiful and accurate way of depicting emotions, desires..

close your eyes and the stimmung inspires you. the perfect mise-en-scène, the use of chiaroscuro lighting - you see in your mind the scene the music stirs in you arises from the foggy floor of your fictituous santuary.

now you know how i feel.

20070822

today..ahhhh..today

today was great!

today's the day joyce and i were to present in class on the German Expressionist Cinema.

as some of you might have known, i was a lil apprehensive and quite stressed abt it since this presentation, together with an accompanying thesis paper, was to make up 40% of our final grades for this class (western film history). it didnt help that the work was all pushed to the last minute because joyce was kinda busy..

BUT

after we presented, Jan said "very good!"
but i thought that he, like any other teacher, would have said that just to cheer the presenters up after crossing that seemingly difficult and stressful(?) hurdle.

these two engineering guys presented after us on the cinema after the Expressionist movement - basically the New German Cinema (more impressionist than expressionist). i thought it was good, except for using too many words on the slides. seriously, i had problems reading and listening at the same time. also, they didnt have much, or in my opinion, enough, of my fav - pix. Jan pointed that out too, but he didnt pass the comment he gave us
(view the above)

so, it is likely i was wrong in my assumption, and it is likely that he meant it =]

feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest!
well, not lifted totally as i've, or rather, we've still the thesis paper to do. but it still feels good that the work has paid off =D

this is one of the very few times that i can actually hold my head up high and proclaim with a confident and loud voice that i've put in a lot of effort into this (approx 89%) and the hard work has paid off =]

weeeeee~*

thank you, God, for pulling me through. i pray you forgive me for the thoughts and the words that i've thought of and said that were unkind. thank you for giving me another reason to trust you, and to have confidence in you. thank you for being the just and faithful one as you are.

amen

20070820

thanks, A.Mag, for this

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word "Guidance", I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing:
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word "Guidance".

When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".

"God, "u" and "i" dance.
God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.

May you abide in God, as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.
Interceding in prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another.

And I Hope You Dance!

20070817

42 years, 1 week, 1 day old

WE ARE SINGAPORE

There was a time when people said that Singapore won’t make it, but we did.
There was a time when troubles seemed too much for us to take, but we did.

We built a nation strong and free
Reaching together for peace & harmony

This is my country
this is my flag
This is my future
This is my life
This is my family
These are my friends
We are Singapore
Singaporeans

Singapore our homeland
It’s here where we belong
All of us united
One peple marching on
We’ve come so far together
Our common destiny
Singapore forever
A nation strong & free

We, the Citizens of Singapore,
Pledge ourselves as one united people,
Regardless of race, language or religion,
To build a democratic society based on justice and equality
So as to achieve happiness, prospertiy and progress for our nation.

We are Singapore
We are Singapore
We will stand together
Hear the Lion roar!

We are Singapore
We are Singapore
We’re a nation strong and free
Forevermore!

it's been 1 week and 1 day since Singapore celebrated her 42nd birthday. spirits are high, morale is good, and singapore flags are still proudly displayed in schools, from balconies and fences of houses and on the walls and parapets of HDB buildings.

taking a look at the songs that have been penned and melodies sung especially for national day celebrations, a change in style has definitely been observed. even in terms of presentation (think MTV) of the song, the style and emphasis has changed..or has it?

of all the songs, this one, "we are singapore", has struck a chord with me, and i'm sure, many others as well. i like how the melody, simple and innocent, breathes life and soul to the body of lyric. perhaps it's because it's about what i hold dear, very dear - family, or as stitch would put it, ohana. the video that was filmed to accompany this song has a very nostalgic feel about it. my memory is hazy, but i think it was done in color. however, everytime i call up this memory, the video that plays over and over again in my head is played in sepia. familiar smells of my maternal grandfather's (long since gone from this world) home, waking up after a sleepover at his flat in kembangan at 7 in the morning, hearing a rooster crow in a distance, walking to the table and watching him prepare a chicken floss with butter sandwich for me..familiar sounds of my fellow childcare (kinderworld at toh crescent, now demolished to make way for a new private estate) playing with me in the painted wooden playground, frolicking during water play time in our underpants, watching it being filled and bloated with water then being squished out of our pants accompanied by laughs and shouts of pure joy and ecstacy..familiar feel of pushing bark off the large protruding root of the old tree at loyang 6 toa payoh (tree's now gone, i think)..familiar sights of the night sky kissing the dark sea off the coast outside the runway of changi airport and hearing the deafening road of the airplane jets as they take off and zoom above our heads..all things i associate with my childhood..all are called up when i hear that song.

singapore is indeed walking forward, stride by prideful, cautious stride. that, i think can be said for certain about our economy. but what about our social and political aspect? i think politically, no matter what others, or even myself may say, we are doing fine - we've an obviously capable government, who obviously has our and their welfare at heart, what more could we ask for? let's not look at ideologies here, not about communism, varients of the kind, or of democracy. personally, i dont think any type of ideology is entirely feasible in the real world. both communism and democracy have admirable and of course, idealistic goals, but it is my belief that both are not do-able. they are utopians, granted different, but in a dream world where one society is governed by either one of the ideas, in the purest of forms of the idea, they would be magnificent. but as i said, i dont believe the purest of forms of each are attainable. as such, we've to settle for, dare i say, "second best".

who says "second best" is not good? just because it has the word "second" in front, does it mean anythg? perhaps since the best of ideology is unattainable, "second best" has become the "best". i have no qualms about the way singapore is being run by the PAP, simply because i've no problems with it. i'm here minding my own business, listening to mom and pop say "go get a good education, girl. get a uni degree at the very least", living my life (or is it mine?) with no terrible trouble or friction with the government. hence no problems. it isnt in my interest to meddle in "affairs of the state" nor is it in my interest to enter politics, that area shall be left to those who "care for the political sphere of singapore", or so they claim, perhaps it's just man's carnal nature to compete and emerge the victor in the scuffle that each wants to enter for the sake of winning, each thinking he's the best, each thinking he is right.

the sphere that i care most about amongst the others is the social. granted i'm not the "social-est" of beings, but it is the one arena of life that i find intriguing - it is the one that always changes, is never predictable, and yet, it is fundamentally the same and therefore forseeable. singaporeans..sigh..what are singaporeans? is it a breed of human-kind that can be distinguished from others by some test or characteristic? i dont know. what i see day to day are a bunch of people who dont know where they're headed. some claim that they're headed for university, but after that, where to sailor? some claim they're headed for distant shores, what are you seeking there, vagabond? is it to seek a life that you think you can stamp your name on in bold lettering? you feel that in singapore, your life is being institutionalised and you want escape. is that it? well, surprise, wherever you go, you will find institutions. you cant evade them. life, the moment it is conceived in the mother's womb belongs never solely to you. it belongs to you, and many others, for some, including the entity God.

what are we? who are we? where are we going? how are we going to get there? why are we here, where we are, in the first place?

take a look at this year's national day speech by PM lee hsien loong. what do you see?

i see a future for this country if the world doesnt end tomorrow.

i see a future that the sentimental and emotional me cannot accept because it cannot recognise the new. sometimes out with the old, in with the new is not the best policy. sometimes, the old has to die for the new to come. but is it the only way? or rather is it the best way to move the king? what are the risks? does it mean that if the benefits far outweigh the casualty number, it is correct or justifiable?

the songs that we sing during the national day celebrations, does it reflect a similar shift in emphasis of the government? shift in the focus of interest. a shift in a strategy to "survive"..

our singapore is morphing to become a "global city", a "city of opportunities", a city filled with "moments of magic". a place with, i would venture, enough opportunities for the population, a more or less comfortable lodging for majority of the people compared (i admit it may not be the best yardstick with which to measure) with that of say, ethiopia or timor or in some parts of china, that is the singapore we now know. but a country with a good economy, boasting of a in-corruptable government is not a nation. a nation consists of the people, the people held together by the "social glue", the people having a strong and solid sense of the presence of a community. is that the focus of this year's theme song? because the government is afraid of the countrymen forsaking the country? on a side note, is it utterly essential for singapore to become a nation?

is there really "no place i'd rather be" than here, in "my country"?

singapore. what is your history? what is your future? what are you?

singapore, our homeland, it's here that we belong..

we are singapore.

20070816

school's started

school's started for both NTU and NUS students. SMU!! ure next!! mwahahahaha =D

this week's the second week of school for us NTU sizzlers, and can u imagine? i'm alrd behind time because my teacher freaked me out by being unclear of presentation dates on the edveNTUre website, and i've work to catch up on for caroline.

taking 5 subjects again this semester:
Classical Social Theory
Organisation and Organisational Change
Sociology of the Lifecourse
Genes R Us
Western Film History

one. Chee Han's back, with longer hair (a lil shorter than mine..i hope) and a deeper voice. taking my tutorial class for CST. as i said during class, after a slight hesitation as i am not used to being addressed "meg" esp in a deep voice that i cant recognise, this course looks promising! because i love studying theories of the Dead White Men (apologies for any hints of racism detected, no offense)! i esp love MARX!! i think it's because he's the first guy i came across amongst the others during history class in secondary school. and i like the idea of communism*.

*i didnt say it will work, nor that i will guarantee my participation in any form of activity promoting this ideology. i just said i like the idea.

two. prof Tan Joo Ean is taking us for OOC =] i really like her. she reminds me so much of my mum - loud (enough), confident..cool..though i'm not too sure abt my sentiments on this module, i'm pretty sure i shall enjoy it, well, ,,it" being listening to prof Tan talk during lectures.

three. no comment on this new lecturer for SOL. aside from that...nevermind...think mingwei, just...worse...(no offense mingwei!)

four. i really pity prof Dr. Gerhard Grüber! the first lect ytd for genes, my goodness! everyone was so chatty! the poor guy had to try to lecture above the din, man! plus ppl were walking out of the Lt like nobody's business. what's your problem, people?? how'd u feel if you were him?? he even brought bubbles, BUBBLES, the pretty purple bacteria, and thought up interesting illustrations for the lecture!! granted the lect was a lil dry (but for me, i know it's cos i've studied this before) but it's no excuse! at least show him some respect! sianz..really felt like standing up and asking everyone to shut up..

five. FILM HISTORY!!!! 40% worth of presentation and thesis paper due next week, wednesday =] .. =( ..
i like watching the short sequences and learning abt the pple and studios =) not to mention the lecturer's not too hard on the eyes either, HAHA..okay, now i'm sounding like a bimbo, but who cares?! i'm not hurting anyone..am i?

congratulations! you've just finished reading a rubbishy-update-post! tune in next time for a more solid-meaningful-reflective post.

Adios, amigo-mio!

20070801