peace . love . joy

I like how Don Carson put it:

(paraphrasing)

Imagine two people holding hands, walking together along the beach. The sun is setting, the waves are soft, the sea breeze makes it so comfortable and right... The guy turns and beholds the girl. "I love you", he says.

Now when he uttered those three words, what do you think he meant?
Think he means "You're so beautiful. I love being with you, I love the way you look, I love how our conversations are always perfect for each situation they take place in. And therefore I love you." ?
Or perhaps he means "You are so ugly. You have the personality of Genghis Khan, the nobbly knees of an old cow. The oil in your hair is enough to grease thirty hamburgers. Conversations with you are so empty. But I love you." ?

Which do you think is what the guy meant when he tells the girl he loves her?

Which do you think God means when He tells you He loves you?

Honestly, I agree with Don Carson. I agree that it's the second proposed meaning.

To Him, we probably have the personality of Genghis Khan, the nobbly knees of an old cow, the intelligence of T-Rex, but He loves us because He loves us.

He can't help but be who He is.
He can't help but love us.

Now think about that.

There's probably zilch that can make God love us, but He loves us anyways. What does that mean to you? In fact, does that mean anything to you at all?

Last week found me trapped once again in sin and guilt. I love God. At least I tell everyone and I also tell myself and God that I love God. In my mind, I was hurting from hurting God. I didn't want to hurt him anymore. So my puny human mind decided to draw away from God because it reasoned that that way, I couldn't hurt the one I love anymore. I stopped talking to Him, I stopped reading the Bible... Probably doesn't make sense to you, but it did to me then.

Even then, it was hard. For me at least, and with regards to God, what they say about "once you know something, you cannot un-know it" holds true. I cannot forget the good times, the unexplainable joy...

And then on Thursday, it all collapsed. I found myself numb emotionally-wise. Things were collapsing around me, I thought I'd feel depression, I thought I'd feel sad, but no, I didn't know how to feel about circumstances around me anymore. I felt semi-detached from reality and the goings-on around me.

Sometime in the evening that day, God came to me. I couldn't see His face, but I could see that He was crying. I couldn't audibly hear His voice, but it was quivering from the crying.

Why won't you let Me love you?

I had no answer. Then I started crying.

On Saturday, as I was spending time alone at home with God in the evening, I realised something. I realised that I thought wrong. I thought I was doing God a favour by drawing away from Him because then I couldn't hurt Him anymore. I was wrong. By drawing away, I was in fact hurting Him more because I wouldn't let Him scold me, discipline me, teach me, love me.

He is a God who simply wants to love me.
And when I deny Him His desire, I sadden Him so bad He cries.

Now I'm back. I'm slowly learning again, learning to love Him, learning to let Him love me. I'm talking to Him now. A lot more in fact than I ever did sometimes in a day. It's not enough, but it's a start, a new beginning, to loving God by letting Him love me.

How are you loving God?

Are you letting Him love you?

You know, He wants to... simply because He is who He is...