Today's the first day I am blood-family-less in the UK. While it may not seem like a huge thing to some of you, those of you who know me will probably understand how I'm feeling. It's a ginormous deal for family-super-important-me. I just saw off my dad and sister at the Guildford railway, then walked into town to do some more grocery shopping and buy some nice cheery decorations for my sparse room.
This trip's made of many firsts for me:
first time in Europe
first time in the UK (not to mention all the sights!)
first time in Tesco & Sainsbury's
first time away from Singapore for 6 months straight
first time away from my family
first time away from my friends
first exchange trip out of Nanyang Technological University
first time living in a university dorm
first time so far away from good Asian food
... ... ...
But it also consists of something more.
I haven't told many of you, but I think the time's right now. One day, a week ago or so before I was due to fly to London, while I was spending quality time with God in the shower, I heard Him use the words I read in my daily bread materials. Using them, speaking them to me.
"Who do you say that I am?"
Why, You are the Lord, my God.
"You are Courage."
Courage? Is that my name? What a strange name!
"勇. But you must grow into it."
I am very big on names. Posted quite a bit on it too, I think! The Lord has given me a new name. Courage. In Chinese, 勇(yõng). It's all very exciting, to be given a new name by the Lord, naturally! Very exciting!
But then, there's this last bit that God said I was to grow into it. That probably means that I am yet to be courage, or courageous. I know I am not the bravest of all women, let alone people, but I thought I wasn't too bad, you know?
Today, I understand why He said what He said. I am not courage, but I will be courage.
Alone, without that group of people I cherish very dearly, even though at times I don't show it, I love them very much, my father, my mother, Galoon, Uddy Fuddy, Ellie Bellie, I feel practically naked. I could, indeed I can never imagine life without any single one of them. I need them, I think. And I know God knows.
I think that is why He spoke what He did that day.
He is calling me into a life of courage.
And the greatest challenge for me is to be alone, without them.
All alone, without even my old friends from church nor school.
The first day I had to walk to the university by myself without the company of my father or sister, I felt a little apprehensive, but was admiring the mist all around as I walked up the hill, past the Cathedral and its gardens, and down the other side. I spent that day without them two, but in the company of other international students. It wasn't too lonely, as there are three others from NTU and one more from SMU there on exchange too.
But then I had to make my own way to another building by myself to register for my courses for the semester. No one else from Singapore was taking the same course as I was. So I said a little prayer under my breath as I walked there. And there, I met two other exchange students, one from Melbourne, one from Texas, also reading English.
After the registration, as I walked back to my room to wait for the other Singapore students to go into town for dinner, I thanked God and heard His bemused remark that "it wasn't too bad, now was it?" and then "as your reward for this step of courage, you shall meet one of your floor-mates today" as I walked up the stairs of the house to my room. You see, even though I've been staying at the Bed & Breakfast with my dad and sister, we've been moving my stuff into my room bit by bit. And everytime we are at my room, we see no one. Just keep missing them, I guess. And I've been wanting to meet them. But this time, two of them were in the kitchen eating their lunch! I walked in and introduced myself and they were really quite nice. One was my floor-mate, the other was her friend. They are from Malaysia.
I shall, actually, I want to remember that incident. That is why I am writing here. And I want to tell others that my God is alive and real. And that is also why I am writing here. And I want to reassure my parents that God is taking care of me. And that is why I am writing here.
We often find ourselves a little full of ourselves. We think "oh, in such-and-such a situation, I'll most certainly do this-and-that" in full confidence.
But sometimes, when we really find ourselves in such a situation, nothing can prepare us for what we are about to witness or experience. No preemptive measures, no fore-visions.
It's just different.
Then, we find ourselves inadequate and unsure. Afraid, even.
But then, we pause and remember God's words, His promises recorded forever in the Book of Life. We pause and hear Him speak to us, comforting us, leading us.
In John 1: 42, Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which, when translated, is Peter). You are... You will be...
In the Bible, people are given new names, names they go on to embrace and embody for the glory of God. But also recorded are people who are not given new names. But they too worked and toiled and reaped for the glory of God.
Therefore, whether or not God gives you a new name, or calls you by the one your parents have given you, work and remember... All for His glory and His alone. The road may, and for most, if not all, will be long and arduous, scary and unfamiliar, but I pray you wade out into the sea and be a fisherman for the good Lord!
Trust & obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust & obey!
Amen!
This trip's made of many firsts for me:
first time in Europe
first time in the UK (not to mention all the sights!)
first time in Tesco & Sainsbury's
first time away from Singapore for 6 months straight
first time away from my family
first time away from my friends
first exchange trip out of Nanyang Technological University
first time living in a university dorm
first time so far away from good Asian food
... ... ...
But it also consists of something more.
I haven't told many of you, but I think the time's right now. One day, a week ago or so before I was due to fly to London, while I was spending quality time with God in the shower, I heard Him use the words I read in my daily bread materials. Using them, speaking them to me.
"Who do you say that I am?"
Why, You are the Lord, my God.
"You are Courage."
Courage? Is that my name? What a strange name!
"勇. But you must grow into it."
I am very big on names. Posted quite a bit on it too, I think! The Lord has given me a new name. Courage. In Chinese, 勇(yõng). It's all very exciting, to be given a new name by the Lord, naturally! Very exciting!
But then, there's this last bit that God said I was to grow into it. That probably means that I am yet to be courage, or courageous. I know I am not the bravest of all women, let alone people, but I thought I wasn't too bad, you know?
Today, I understand why He said what He said. I am not courage, but I will be courage.
Alone, without that group of people I cherish very dearly, even though at times I don't show it, I love them very much, my father, my mother, Galoon, Uddy Fuddy, Ellie Bellie, I feel practically naked. I could, indeed I can never imagine life without any single one of them. I need them, I think. And I know God knows.
I think that is why He spoke what He did that day.
He is calling me into a life of courage.
And the greatest challenge for me is to be alone, without them.
All alone, without even my old friends from church nor school.
The first day I had to walk to the university by myself without the company of my father or sister, I felt a little apprehensive, but was admiring the mist all around as I walked up the hill, past the Cathedral and its gardens, and down the other side. I spent that day without them two, but in the company of other international students. It wasn't too lonely, as there are three others from NTU and one more from SMU there on exchange too.
But then I had to make my own way to another building by myself to register for my courses for the semester. No one else from Singapore was taking the same course as I was. So I said a little prayer under my breath as I walked there. And there, I met two other exchange students, one from Melbourne, one from Texas, also reading English.
After the registration, as I walked back to my room to wait for the other Singapore students to go into town for dinner, I thanked God and heard His bemused remark that "it wasn't too bad, now was it?" and then "as your reward for this step of courage, you shall meet one of your floor-mates today" as I walked up the stairs of the house to my room. You see, even though I've been staying at the Bed & Breakfast with my dad and sister, we've been moving my stuff into my room bit by bit. And everytime we are at my room, we see no one. Just keep missing them, I guess. And I've been wanting to meet them. But this time, two of them were in the kitchen eating their lunch! I walked in and introduced myself and they were really quite nice. One was my floor-mate, the other was her friend. They are from Malaysia.
I shall, actually, I want to remember that incident. That is why I am writing here. And I want to tell others that my God is alive and real. And that is also why I am writing here. And I want to reassure my parents that God is taking care of me. And that is why I am writing here.
We often find ourselves a little full of ourselves. We think "oh, in such-and-such a situation, I'll most certainly do this-and-that" in full confidence.
But sometimes, when we really find ourselves in such a situation, nothing can prepare us for what we are about to witness or experience. No preemptive measures, no fore-visions.
It's just different.
Then, we find ourselves inadequate and unsure. Afraid, even.
But then, we pause and remember God's words, His promises recorded forever in the Book of Life. We pause and hear Him speak to us, comforting us, leading us.
In John 1: 42, Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which, when translated, is Peter). You are... You will be...
In the Bible, people are given new names, names they go on to embrace and embody for the glory of God. But also recorded are people who are not given new names. But they too worked and toiled and reaped for the glory of God.
Therefore, whether or not God gives you a new name, or calls you by the one your parents have given you, work and remember... All for His glory and His alone. The road may, and for most, if not all, will be long and arduous, scary and unfamiliar, but I pray you wade out into the sea and be a fisherman for the good Lord!
Trust & obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust & obey!
Amen!
3 comments:
I didn't get the chance to tell u about smtg that happened to me on our mission trip.... tell you on facebook!
I've been reading http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/ posts about "Why I am Not Charismatic".
It's quite interesting... helped me to rethink my theological position...
i shall read it tonight when i get back from classes =]
miss you guys so much!
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