peace . love . joy

It's been a month and eight days since I first started work at my first job upon graduation from the university. I love my job. I am extremely thankful to God that I've been signed up to a post that combines much of what I believe in and love and enjoy doing, plus my co-workers and superiors are a lovely, comical bunch. And I cannot but marvel practically every day as I leave for home from work at how wonderfully miraculous it is that I have this post; a post that I can boast no formal paper qualifications for and no formal on-the-job experience for. God is really good to me.

But during this lovely month and eight days, I came to see a lacking on my part, a speck of a flaw that must be removed:
For most others that I am acquainted with, it is during the rough times that they must be constantly reminded of the goodness of God.
But for me, for me, it is easiest to forget God when the going is good.

And the going has been very good.

Every week, it is hard for me to step into the grounds of the church, to take a seat in the worship hall, to face a reminder of the Cross, to sing to a God whom I have neglected to worship. How can I just come when I have had six days of chances to come, but did not?

I fought that struggle every week, but each week saw me deciding to try again, to come to seek forgiveness and pardon.

Last week was the hardest because it's been five weeks of the same struggle, and because it was the week of the Eucharist.

It is already hard for me to serve when I am not close to God. But how can I desecrate the Table and eat of the elements when I am not right before God? I cannot reconcile that.

But then, I heard the voice of Jesus say to me that the deed has already been done; He has already come and died for me, taking all my sin and iniquities with Him and put them to death. The Gift of Life has been offered and will always be offered; it will always be extended and never retracted.
The question is will I choose to take it?

I am unworthy. I have much to be rebuked for, much to be shaken until my teeth rattle and my neck is strained for. And it is good for me to remember and know that because:

"A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed 500 denarii, and the other 50.
When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both.
Now which of them will love him more?"

Simon answered, "The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt."
And (Jesus) said to him, "You have judged rightly."

Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little."

And he said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, "Who is this, who even forgives sins?"

And he said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

~ Luke 7: 41-50

Will your shortcomings, your sins, your wrong-doings push you to or away from Forgiveness and Life Eternal?

Will you come and claim the Gift that has been, is, and will continue to be offered to you
or will you turn and walk away?