peace . love . joy

i'm gonna meet up with shirleen and ginni later!! =]

grace was supposed to cm too..then the formation of the BimboSquad wld be complete =D ..hahas..but smu's recess week is nxt week..ntu and nus' is this week..stupid smu..

~*so excited!*~

it's been a long time since we've met up..and i kinda miss them..esp ginni..evrytime smone cracks a joke, i'm reminded of her and spongebob..wonder if she's changed..?

we're going sentosa to talk..and basically catch up..

i pray to gOd that there'll be fine sunny weather..

hope they bring a camera..jus realised we never ever took a pix tgd..jus the 4 of us..interesting..we spent 2 yrs..or rather 1 1/2 yrs tgd..and we've never taken a photo tgd..hmmm..

gOd bLEsS

me

listening to Lobo and Kenny G realli calms my nerves..songs like that create a great laid-back atmosphere..where i've sufficient Freizeit (german = free time) to think things thru..talk with gOd with noone and nothing to hurry me up..

now listening to Lobo strummin and a'singin a Big Red Kite..with this peculiar burnt smell wafting in the air..and the cool "artificial" breeze created by the whirring blades of the ceiling fan..reminds me of Udon Thani, Thailand..

i wanna pick up the guitar again..to play it well enough to sing a few Lobo and John Denver songs..and not sound awkward..

nothing much to do in the afternoons..jus sit back against a tree in its shade..and think and fantasize..

luvvit =]

anyways..i think i know wad i want now Gabriel..

i want that time where noone and nothing is hurrying me..when i can talk with gOd and listen to wad He has to say about me..

i have time now, yes..but this time is limited by other priorities..it'd be nice to have jus gOd on my priority list..right now, i've like..so many thgs i want to take care of..mebe gOd's trying to tell me i shld jus learn to relax..like u said..mebe i'm smone who cant take too much on my hands..mebe gOd's way of telling me this is to lemme try it..

right now, i've studies..which i'm placing quite abit of importance on..

never realli wanted to study so much b4 in my entire life, man..mebe it's cos i wanna please my parents..and mebe please smone else..not to let 2 certain smbodies down..it's a tough thg, that..to try your hardest not to let smone down..not easy cos i've no say over the outcomes of my exams and all..i can study all i want..but many other factors can still summon a C grade to come running my way..

scary..

anyway, thx lots for the talk last night..realli appreciate it..it's nice to be able to talk to you and Claire..shld do it more often..hahas =]

nice to know that smone actually decided to care for me..and knows how to phrase it and do it..
(i'm not saying that evryone else dont care for me and dont know how to "personalize" the way they care..cos diff pple require diff types of caring..i'm NOT saying that..)

you've a great gift =]

treasure it, man..

gOd bLEsS

me

The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves.

But you can.

With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade.

We do not need your money.

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We're aiming to light at least One Million Candles by December 31, 2006.

This petition will be used to encourage governments, politicians, financial institutions, payment organisations, Internet service providers, technology companies and law enforcement agencies to eradicate the commercial viability of online child abuse.

They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.

Please light your candle at lightamillioncandles.com
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or send an email of support to light@lightamillioncandles.com

Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child abuse sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children.

Kindly forward this email to your friends, relatives and work colleagues so that they can light a candle too.

gOd bLEsS

me

sm thgs are better not told to our parents..they're better confided in confidants we find in our friends..whether they're our age or younger or older..

but we jus cant raise the subj to our parents..

interesting huh..

anyways, i jus got my new laptop!!..using it now..such a beauty =]

in reference to the entry abt primary ministry, i prayed on monday..asking gOd to tell me which he'd want to be my primary and secondary ministry..

he told me on monday.. (gOd, You're such a fast gOd!)

frm puiki:

primary ministry cld be the one that we forsee ourselves still serving in say the nxt 10 yrs..

cant remember the exact wrds she used, but in essence, that's wad i remembered..

being comfortable and passionate abt that ministry wld help a great deal in sustaining us in our ministries..

but it doesnt mean that once we've chosen our primary ministries, we channel all our energies into it and neglect our other ministries..i think that'd be jus irresponsible..gOd entrusted us (sm of us) in more than one ministry..He doesnt give us more than we can take..so i think it onli reasonable and right that we repay that honour given to us by giving our all in all our ministries..

beware of burn-out tho..that's when we move to the side of the track to catch our breaths..look back, reflect..mebe plan on the future with the Master Planner..b4 we stretch those worn out muscles, take a drink..and start running the marathon again..

so for me :
primary ministry : children's ministry
secondary : teaching sec 2s & missions

gOd bLEsS

me

what can i give?
what can i bring
that would be pleasing to my King?

i'll give my heart,
not just a part;
i'm lifting up my everything.

well it's all i have to offer,
and it's all i have to give.

2 hands,
1 heart,
1 life
to offer You.
2 hands,
1 heart,
1 life,
to give to You.

use me today
i know You can.
Lord i surrender to Your plan.

You made this heart,
You made these hands.
take me and use me as i am.

well it's all i have to offer,
and it's all i have to give.

2 hands,
1 heart,
1 life
to offer You.
2 hands,
1 heart,
1 life,
to give to You.

little becomes alot
when it's in Your hands;
take me and make me more like You!
well it may not seem like much,
but with the Master's touch,
i know that i'll be more like You!

2 hands,
1 heart,
1 life
to offer You.
2 hands,
1 heart,
1 life,
to give to You.

that's what i give to You!


~ 2 hands 1 heart by Neil Zaza

thank gOd for recess week!!

it's a time for me to study , read , make notes..

in other words : catch up

gOd help me

seems to have quite abit of leaders thgs going on these days..so far 1 informal (i think even impromtu) meeting of TTB leaders, 1 3-day Batam conference, and ytd's FaithLead seminar thg..

honestly, i didnt learn (if i was supposed to) much abt leading..cos wad they touched on, i kinda knew already..as in smone else taught it to me before..

but i did learn smthg..

i learnt that we, who have more than one ministry we're involved in, shld prioritise our ministries..

personally, i dont like to choose btwn one ministry and another..

but frm wad happened ytd, i think we shld..

when we had to split into our respective ministries,
2 of my friends were kinda torn..both were my small-grp leaders, and both were also involved in children's ministry..

what resulted was a small "fight" btwn the leaders of the 2 ministries over where they shld go..

wasnt pleasant for them, i know..

MeiHuan spoke to me at dinner..she wanted to know which ministry was my priority, my primary ministry..

(i'm involved in children's ministry, and the TTB(Youth) ..if u wanna split it down smmore, i'm also in teaching ministry and missions in the TTB)

i had no idea..and i still dont..

need to ask gOd to show me which He'd want me to brand as "primary"..

pray for me, please..

gOd bLEsS

me

i will offer up my life in spirit and truth,
pouring out the oil of love as my worship to You.
in surrender i must give my every part,
Lord, receive the sacrifice of a broken heart.

Jesus, what can i give? what can i bring?
to so faithful a Friend, to so loving a King!
Saviour, what can be said? what can be sung,
as a praise of Your name for the things You have done?
oh my words could not tell, not even in part
of the debt of love that is owed
by this thankful heart.

You deserve my every breath for You've paid the great cost:
giving up Your life to death, even death on a cross.
You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin.
opened up the gates of Heaven, and have beckoned me in.

Jesus, what can i give? what can i bring?
to so faithful a Friend, to so loving a King!
Saviour, what can be said? what can be sung,
as a praise of Your name for the things You have done?
oh my words could not tell, not even in part
of the debt of love that is owed
by this thankful heart.

what can i give?
what can i bring?
what can i sing as an offering, Lord?

what can i give to You? to You?

Mahlzeit !!

jus watched finish "A Snoodle's Tale" by my favourite VeggieTales..


it's a very touching tale told in rhyme, bearing the very charm of children's poems..

here's the lil smthg i managed to remember :

welcome to Snoodleburg, home of the Snoodles !
a curious folk who eat pancakes with noodles !
and spend half their days making sketches and doodles,
and cutting their hair in shapes like French poodles !

now, right in the heart of this curious town,
is a curious building, the tallest around !
with a clock at its top and a chute at its bottom,
it’s pink in the spring, turns red in the autumn !

every fourth Tuesday, at quarter past nine,
the tower would shimmy and wiggle and whine !
and as the town nibbles on bickleback fruit,
a shiny young snoodle would drop from the chute !

that’s where they come from, though noone knows why.
nor who could have built the great tower so high ?
these mysteries of life would fuddle most snoodles
who’d much rather focus on pancakes and noodles !
and cutting their hair in shapes like French poodles !

yes, most found the tower too noisy too strange,
until one small snoodle made all of that change ...

the blurb at the back of the dvd says "In tradition of the VeggieTales classic Flibber-o-loo, Bob the Tomato tells the touching story of Snoodle Doo, a lovable little character who learns that the way others see him doesn't matter at all, because God sees how special and beautiful each of us is and that's just how we should see ourselves! "

it's the story of when the creation (Snoodle Doo) climbs up the mountain and meets, unexpectedly, his creator..after being weighed down by snubs and sniggers by others, he finds fresh perspective of himself seen thru the loving and kind eyes of his maker..

wonderfully sweet, yet true story

go watch!!

gOd bLEsS

me

Source of life to wood and stream
Sovereign Lord and gentle King
More than we could ever dream
You are beautiful

Father to the fatherless
Healer of our brokenness
How you fill our emptiness
You are beautiful

O, Jesus, You are beautiful
There is none to compare with You
Jesus, You are beautiful
And You show Your love to me
And it gives me grace to see
You are everything my heart desires
You are beautiful

Son of God upon a cross
Tasting death for all of us
Reaching out when we were lost
You are beautiful

Risen Lamb upon the Throne
Roaring Lion coming soon
Every eye will see it's true
You are beautiful

Jesus you're so beautiful..

gOd bLEsS

me

on monday (04092006) , when we had the briefing for YMLC..we were given cards to write wad gOd prompts us to write..wad we can hope to expect frm the conference..

MingHui said to be careful wad we write on the piece of card we each received ..because frm his experience, wad he wrote came true..

i was feeling abit tired spiritually b4 the meeting..like i was doing wad i was doing (ie. teaching the sec 2s, going for pcm, going to church) simply out of habit..it was a ritual..no more significance..and i was constantly convicted of this..i jus thought wldnt it be easier if i jus gave up..live my life like a non-christian..so much easier..but smhow, i jus cldnt..like gOd wldnt allow me to simply give up so easily..i was realli tired of struggling.. (think that's the closest way i can describe my recent past so far)

so obviously, my first request that i wrote on the card was to ask gOd to answer the question :
"why do You want me back?"

in my view, i was a good for nothing..jus simply cldnt stir myself up again..

guess wad? gOd answered my question on the very last day of YMLC..

during morning worship, i asked gOd the qn again..and He gave me a vision of a father and a daughter..and i understood..i was His daughter..nothing i do can change that fact..nothing i do can make Him love me any more or less than He already does..there's no reason why He loves me..jus the simple fact that i was His kid..and i was the prodigal's daughter..His precious..such simple logic and i cldnt accept it til ytd moring during service..i'm so glad gOd is patient with me..so thankful..

i learnt to be more open..and more thankful..(i've said this b4) smtimes it takes others to voice their unhappiness and wad they perceive they need..that makes u think and realise that u already have wad they long for..and jus makes u thankful that u have it..

kinda interesting that gOd spoke to me very clearly only on the last day..i was jus so overwhelmed with emotion and awe and gratefullness that i was standing in gOd's presence that i jus cried..jus cldnt control myself..

i was convicted of my slpy-ness during the night-time services..my eyes clnt focus at all..and i was realli struggling to keep awake..it was like torture for me..(i usu slp at around 9/10 Singapore time..so that wld be Batam 8/9 pm)..i jus so longed for gOd's forgiveness..and i knew He forgave me willingly..and led me into another "revelation"..that He was with me even though i was in dreamland..He kept me safe and sound while i slpt..He let me enjoy long deep dark undisturbed restful sleep while He kept watch over me..for that i am grateful..

while pple were singing songs to gOd, the Spirit filled me and i prayed with fervour and deep conviction..it prompted me to pray for things and pple then and there..i dont know how, but my mind was filled with name after name after name..and gOd replied me each time i prayed..i remember praying especially for Gabriel, Hannah, Mukapor, Tanxingum, Nilintou, my missionary aunt..

i learnt wad being "slain" meant..i learnt different ways of worship..all i felt was beautiful to the Lord..as i looked around (in a half-daze on the second night) and saw pple kneeling, crying, praying, speaking in Tongues, joining each other in prayer..i jus knew gOd was realli honoured here..and i knew He was here..

i think it's quite possible that gOd may be calling me to be a missionary in future..that it is His long-term goal for me..it is wad He has in store for me in my future..my mentor, Judy challenged me to go for a longer mission trip..mebe 2-3 mths..to test the water further..to see if i realli am suited for missions..and how i wld "survive" on a longer term without Singaporean creature comforts..she said that having the love and the passion for the pple is most important..to which i agreed thoroughly..to be willing to learnt new languages and cultures..to accept different traditions..comes after..

hold me accountable to that, someone..

wad i found most interesting was the theme for this yr's YMLC : undying passion

i didnt know wad the theme was til we were gathering at Harbourfront and gotten our files for the conference..it's like gOd was realli bent on getting me back..i am thankful He went practically all out for me..

when i went there, i cld safely say my flame was dying..almost gone..if a small breath is breathed onto my flicker, it wld die out..

when i came back, i feel recharged..all ready to go out for Christ..

i know it isnt going to be easy..i know i may fail again..but i know gOd is there for me again..

u know wad, MingHui was right..all my 7 "requests" & "expectations" i wrote on the card were answered..gOd bothered to answer all i wanted and needed answered..

thank You Lord for caring to answer me..thank You Lord for loving me..thank You Lord for meeting me, strengthening me, teaching me, humbling me down..thank You for the friends i've made..thank You for teaching me to listen more and to talk less..thank You for convicting me of wad i did & did not do which displeased You..thank You for mentors and more matured friends i can be held accountable to..thank You for making each of us different and yet the same..thank You for keeping me receptive to wad You have to say to me..and wad You want me to see, hear and learn..thank You for instilling in me an eye which lets me see simple thgs and be thankful for them..

Lead me now, Lord..in whichever direction You want me to head..let me not turn back..teach me Your ways..

amen

gOd bLEsS

me

when we sang this song during worship, i felt that it was speaking realli loudly and clearly to me..

read the words..

see what meaning it holds..

i tell u this song is truly magnificent..

oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
even when i fail You
i know You love me

Your Holy presence
surrounding me
in every season
i know You love me
i know You love me

at the cross i bow my knee
where Your blood was shed for me
there's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
wwhat can separate me now?

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
i know You love me

at the cross i bow my knee
where Your blood was shed for me
there's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your Glory fills the highest place
wwhat can separate me now?

You tore the veil
You made a way
when You said that it is done

and when the earth fades
falls from my eyes
and You stand before me
i know You love me
i know You love me

i jus returned frm Batam for the Young Methodist Leaders' Conference held frm 08092006 - 10092006..

it was an interesting camp which left me with mixed feelings in regard to the methodist church moving towards the charismatic side..using the reason : methodists are grounded in the word. but word without the spirit is dead..then again, wad makes them think that bcmg a lil more charismatic means that we have the spirit?

also came away with mixed feelings abt one particular altar call..during the evening sermon on 09092006, Rev Wee Boon Hup invited pple who want to pray to receive the Gift of Tongues to come forward and be prayed for..i found that interesting..because during my baptism classes, we actually went thru reasons why methodists generally discourage the use of Tongues..and now they're encouraging us to pray to receive it..and y shld we bother so much abt it?..if gOd means for us to have it, we will..they said that if we sincerely want the gift, and pray earnestly to gOd for it, and that if we mean to use it for gOd (tho i cant realli see how except for the fact that it is probably a language onli gOd understands), then we will receive it..i disagree with that..i think that if it is not in gOd's will that u shld have a certain gift, no matter how hard u pray, u will never receive..

and then again why shld we be so caught up about the one Gift of Tongues? there are plenty of other spiritual gifts that gOd has so graciously given each of us..y cant we simply be thankful for the privilege to be entrusted with those Gifts and use them to the max for gOd instead of wanting more?..can we not be satisfied?

i think i'm jus tired..

anyways, when i feel more energised (which i hope i will by tmr) i will post what i've taken away frm the camp..

those who were debating whether or not to go, i realli encourage u to go..

it's an interesting experience and u get exposed to thgs that u wld normally not be exposed to..and u meet pple frm other churches..

my Group was interesting..we were sort of on the same frequency, tho they lost me today at lunch..wad gOd had to say to me was different than wad He said to them..but on the whole, we were in the same boat..same concerns for our respective ministries..

wel..think i shld knock off b4 i start rambling on and on and on and on and on...

tired

onli complaint i have bout the conference : HAVE SM FOOD DURING BREAKS !!

i was starving la..breakfast at 7 am - 8 / 8.30 am..lunch at 1 pm..dinner at 6 pm..

info : food usu lasts about 3-4 (and that's pushing it) in me b4 i start to get hungry..

O !

gOd spoke to me today during worship..it was awesome!!..he gave me another vision..and i experienced for the first time wad it means to pray with the Spirit's prompting and not by my own mind..(usu i think abt wad i wanna say to gOd b4 i say it) today, it was like as tho the Spirit was talking to gOd thru me..i dunno how to describe it..hope u get my drift..

tel u more (hopefully) tmr!! =]

gOd bLEsS

me

guess wad?

i met gOd on monday (04092006) at arnd 8.35 pm..that's montag, der vierten september zweitausendsechs, zwanzig funfunddreiszig uhr..

i was at the prayer+sharing+admin stuff meeting in prep for this fri-sun YMLC (that's the Young Methodist Leaders Conference for u).. twas supposed to start at 7.30 pm but cos my German Class finishes at 7.30, i missed the first 30+ mins of it.. reached jus in time for the sharing on wad we each expect frm the conference..

then we had individual prayer..where we talk with gOd and come up with sm "goals" \ "aims" we agree shld be met in the conference..we cld go wherever we wanted in the worship hall to talk with gOd..

i chose to kneel at the alter..jus in front of the metallic cross..no, i didnt do it for show..i felt i needed to go there..to turn my back on wad's happened in the past, and look to the future..and i see my future in gOd..

u know wad?..gOd decided it was time to open my eyes.. in the recent past, i think i cld say my eyes were sealed shut..but smhow, i was not deaf..i cld hear gOd..as in i cld hear thgs he meant for me to hear..know that His will is carried out..gOd was able to use blind me to help others open their eyes..but i cldnt see.. anyways, gOd decided it was time..

this is gonna sound cliche..but jus so u know (for those who dont) i have a very imaginative mind..it can scare me silly and it can also be used by gOd..i like looking at an empty chair, up to the sky, at the cross, beside me, out the window when i talk to gOd..when i looked up to the cross, my mind saw a picture of Jesus hanging there looking down at me and smiling, despite all the pain he was suffering there..

i jus knew gOd was listening to me..ME!!..the ex-blind person who was worth nthg in the world's eyes..

He made me feel so special..gOd was listening to ME!! (sorry..still cant get over it) it's like..he's reminding me that he sees me as a clean pure kid..His kid to be precise..that he took evry shadow of sin frm me..and He's happy that i finally am brought back to him..

~ *happy* ~

=D

thank you gOd for meeting me..thank you for seeing me as a precious kid..even though i still am not sure why u want me..but i'm pretty certain ure gonna use me in a glorious way..thank you for taking my sins with you on the cross..thank you for wiping my slate clean..thank you for sparing my hearing when i was blind..thank you for you =]

He's able
He's able
i know He's able
i know my gOd is able to carry me thru

He heals the broken hearted
and sets the captives free
He makes the lame to walk again
AND CAUSE THE BLIND TO SEE

o yes!!

He's able
He's able
i know He's able
i know my gOd is able to carry me thru

this is me when i was baptised on the 10122005..when i "publicly" declared that i love and belong to my beautiful saviour, Jesus Christ..

This world of mine is full of doubt
Don’t ask me where it came from
All things i view in negativity
Distrust yet void of emotion

And yet You cared
To place upon my heart
A strong conviction
That makes me wonder why

Why do You want me back so much
What have i to offer?
What is it that You want from me
That bothers You to probe me daily
Why?
Why?

i keep sensing Your waiting for me
And somehow i know i want to go to You
But there is something that's keeping me back
What is it? why dont You show me?

Why do i seem to mean so much to You
Why do You care so much for me
Why do You want me back
What have i done to deserve Your love and forgiveness

i have shunned You
i have deserted You
i have forsaken You

Why do You want me back so much
What have i to offer?
What is it that You want from me
That bothers You to probe me daily
Why?
Why?

i've been feeling rather down lately..not sure if it's cos i'm encouraged to think and probe more into issues..and not jus be contented with surface explanations..

mebe it's my course..mebe it's me going thru a phase (?)..

but i felt no urge nor joy nor desire to want to seek gOd's presence and to hear His voice..

i mean..i welcome it..i accept it when He does choose to speak to me..when He does choose to enlighten me \ reveal His will to me..but i feel nothing..

i know why i felt joy & excitement in the past whenever i encountered anythg to do with gOd (which is everythg)..but smhow..that reason doesnt seem to "work" anymore..i understand it..i know it is a good and valid reason..but it doesnt spur me on anymore..guess u cld say everythg is jus a ritual..i know the "correct" meaning..but it jus doesnt click anymore..it doesnt hit home with me anymore..

and i jus wonder why..

i read ytd's daily bread..and i felt gOd's trying to reach me..like He called my hp..but i didnt answer..so he left a voice msg..

this is wad he said (thru James MacDonald) :

You cant make yourself joyful.

Take it from me. it's not possible, no matter how hard you try.

you can say to yourself, "i'm going to be a joyful person today." you can put a big smile on your face and determine to be cheerful everywhere you go. it may work for a few hours, but before long, something will come crashing down and the artificial joy will be gone.

as you stand at the starting line of today, think about where real joy comes from. let's begin with a definition.

"joy" is a "supernatural delight".

you've already figured out that you cant manufacture it. you can do alot of things to reduce joy, but you cant do anythg to increase it. you can seek it, but you cant produce it.

only gOd can give you joy.

this supernatural delight from gOd is found in three things :

1) in the person of gOd
when you see gOd's true character revealed in the world, you begin to be joyful. when you notice his work in your life -- you're more loving, more patient, more obedient -- and you fell joy.

2) in the purposes of gOd
lasting joy comes from connecting with gOd's purposes. gOd is doing some great things in our world. do you want to be a part of the action? he expects you to be involved. dont stand on the sidelines. get going! if you participate in the purposes of gOd, you will know the real joy.

3) in the people of gOd
as we work for gOd's purposes, we link arms with gOd's people. that third part of joy : deep satisfying relationships with others who know and love the Lord. that's where joy comes from -- delighting in the person of gOd and working for the purposes of gOd in partnership with the people of gOd.

you cant "wish" or "will" yourself into a joyful state. joy is the supernatural delight in the person, purposes and the people of gOd. go after it today!

(Philippians 1:3-11 was quoted)

i believe that joy truly comes frm one source : gOd.

at least i believe it..because i've experienced it..i've felt joy i could not and still cannot explain..

i realised that in times when i have too much time on my hands and i chose to spend it with gOd, i got happier..but now, it seems i barely even have time to finish up my readings and complete good reports \ do good assignments..

then the qn for me (i think) is gOd has given each and everyone of us the same 24 hrs..how come sm stil are able to find time for Him and i cant?

my time management skills are horrific, i admit..

Lord, i think the noise arnd me is too loud that i cant hear u..and smtimes, i jus dont bother to turn it down even..i cannot ask u to forgive me for that because..argh..i dont even know the one real reason why..jus so muddled right now..set me straight, if u still want me..Amen

gOd bLEsS

me