peace . love . joy

I'm taking two modules this semester. Both of them are part of a part-time degree programme, hence almost all my classmates are middle-aged or older save one thirty-ish gentleman (I call him so because he really is a gentleman in manners and air) in one class, and a German exchange student who's about my age in the other class. So you can imagine I don't really get much of a chance to get to know other UK students my age. I don't get invited to hang out in town, or to go for trips somewhere together, especially because those I do get to know are busy with work, family and house. The only UK people I know now, and not too well still since it's only been two weeks, are my floormates and my classmates.

It's not a big deal, I guess, but I've always thought I'd get to know more UK people or even exchange people from other places while I'm here; oh, the novelty of adding someone who's not Asian to my Facebook Friends application! I did get to know some UK people, a girl from Holland, and more Asian people and for that I really am thankful! But still..

Today, it suddenly occurred to me that one way, and an almost certain way I might add, to get to know or be acquainted with more UK people is to join one of my Singapore friends on her nights out to the clubs in town with her UK housemate and friends. You know how as the snowball starts rolling down the hill, gathering more snow, it gets bigger as it rolls? Same principle; start with one bunch and get to know more.

And there I paused and a little conflict arose within me. Why not? If that is what I want, why not? Certainly the Bible did not say "thou shalt not go to clubs" or "though shalt not go to clubs to gain acquaintences". And afterall, I am here and my parents are not; they need not know my every move.

I sat facing the window, watching the dark landscape, dotted with occassional dots of orange street lights, framed by the four square panes of window, uncertain and conflicted tears started falling down my face. I told God what I know He wanted to hear, and what I wanted Him to hear, and what I needed to hear myself. I told Him that I would not go to clubs, especially not for such a reason. If a friend were in trouble and needed my immediate assistance at the club, it'd be another matter entirely. But for such a reason, I shan't. The Bible did not say such things as quoted above, but it did say to honour our parents, and my parents are apprehensive about my going to clubs. I have utterly no intention of disobeying or dishonouring them by going behind their backs and covering my tracks by lying.

God quoted my first psalm to Him "... bend my will to receive Yours...". I shall bend my will to receive His. God has been very good to me not just this past two weeks, but for my whole life! Even before I knew Him! I have every reason to let Him do the planning for my life, to bring people into my life and out of my life. And indeed I have every intention of letting Him do so.

Often at times in our lives, we are faced with heart-wrenching dilemmas; on the one hand, we have something that is questionable but desirable in our eyes, and on the other hand, we have God's way.

How then do we choose?
What then do we choose?

I don't know.
I chose by faith, and faith not unfounded.
I chose by love, and love for people and One who deserve my love and more than I can ever offer.

I chose God's way, I chose the way I know will lead me to where I want to be.
I want to stand in front of God in Heaven and hear Him say "welcome, good and faithful servant! come and share in the Master's happiness!"
I chose to honour my parents, I chose the path that will make God happy.
I want to make my parents proud of me, I want my siblings to look up to me and be proud of their big sister, I want my God to be proud to be called my God and to be happy...

... because I find my happiness in making Him happy.

What about you?



(Hillsong Kids "Tell the World" You're the Answer)

Ministry sure is fun! Especially in the "joining" stage where you want to be everywhere doing everything! You want to be on stage in the worship team, you want to be behind the scenes folding the bulletins, you want to be up in the AV room controlling the microphones and slides, you want to teach the younger ones about God.. Really exciting stuff!

Then someone comes along and advises you to think it through, to really seek God and His direction for your life, to ask His instruction on where you should head at the moment, and most of all, that someone gently warns you about spreading yourself too thinly, about serving in too many ministries, about burning out. Almost like cold rain on your parade.

I don't know about God's specific instruction for each one of you reading this post. I don't know if it is His will that you serve in only one ministry, or if you should serve in many. I don't know the intricacies of your individual design, your blueprint as God made you.

But I will say this:
wherever God leads you to, however the situations, whomever you meet, whatever area you end up serving in,
never neglect God.

Some people start off well, with them in the passenger seat and God in the driver's, cruising down the road of service in preparation for His Kingdom, for His glory and to bestow honour and praise to Him. But somewhere along the line, they've switched places with God in the car, and even further sometimes, even kicking God out of the car! They serve people without God leading them on. They are people who serve because they were told to serve, whether by people or by God at the beginning, but have lost sight of their direction, lost sight of the reason, lost sight of God.

I'll let you in on something:
service is a neutral term for a neutral thing.
It is the service for whom that really matters because that person or entity dictates the actual act that constitutes the service.
Serving in ministry pleases God if and only if it is done for God and with God.
Serving without a genuine desire to please and to love, this coming (usually) from an understanding of some sort of the character and the works of God, I would venture to be meaningless even. This kind of service is empty. I probably would not go so far as to say that that angers God, but I would say that it most definitely displeases Him, and to some extent hurt Him.

How then, you ask, does one keep serving in full consciousness that it is for the Lord?

The answer is a simple, but not so simple one.
Simple to say, but not so simple to actually do.
Serve with the Lord.

Seek His counsel and presence. Do not stray from Him. In an excited moment, in a downcast and dreary one, do not walk or run and lose your way. Hold His hand and clench it tightly to your breast. Ask Him and speak to Him as often as you can manage. Remind yourself and walk daily with Him.

"Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!"
~ 1 Chronicles 16:11

Sometime we feel bogged down, or drained for whatever reasons. Sometimes we get so excited we charge ahead and pause only to pray for God to bless what we have planned, only to end up feeling disheartened and tired. Sometimes God speaks very clearly and instructs you on what you are to do in that instance, but sometimes God sits back and lets you choose which way you want to act. Choose wisely and when unsure, ask. Ask God, ask other believers.

Ministry for God should draw you closer to Him with you realising that you need to lean on Him, you need Him to serve.. Well, Him! In ministry, especially those that require servants to give and give, to pour oil into others' cups, without expecting much for mutual return, it can sometimes be as though you were a sponge squeezed dry and laid out in the sun to bake. That is why you must daily walk with God. Take a turn around the garden, just you and God. Let Him pour His oil into your cup. Let Him fill you so that you may go and fill others. Draw your strength from Him for His oil never runs dry. Praise and thank God for that!

And most importantly, obey Him. If He calls you to wait, don't stubbornly plough ahead just because you think it right for sometimes your intentions are noble, and your actions are good, but the timing is just not right. You have no way of seeing this, but God sees. Trust in His perfect timing and wait. If He calls you to take a break, to take a turn with Him around the room, grab a kitkat and rest in His presence. Take a step back, spend some concentrated one-on-one time with Him. If He calls you away to another ministry, do not be burdened by fear and uncertainty, choosing to cling and linger in a comfortable pasture. Go.

Never spend a day without the Lord for it is one of the surest paths to forgetting about Him, forgetting about His big plan for your life, and forgetting to keep an ear open to the smaller directions He injects as we go from day to day, moment to moment.

"Even youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint."
~ Isaiah 40:30-31

Now go and serve.
Serve the Good Lord.
Serve with the Good Lord.

Remember not to leave His side.
And remember to daily draw oil from the One whose well never dries out.

"As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies - in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."

~ 1 Peter 4: 10-11

I remember when I was younger, praying to God only at night, just before I go to sleep. And then slowly, I came to realise that that was not a good idea because I sometimes found myself dozing off whilst still in prayer! Imagine that: talking to someone and then drifting off, your voice becoming an increasingly inaudible whisper, to silence! How rude!

After that, I decided to pray as and when I wanted to. Of course, as time trudged along, I soon forgot to do just that - pray. I decided I was a creature of habit (aren't we all?), and so required a fixed time at least to assure myself and God that I'd spend a bare minimun of time with Him everyday.

It became a morning thing. Which worked fine once I was out of secondary school and junior college (because they were morning schools), and began to gain some experience in the working world. In between during the day, I'd talk to God when I felt I needed to, like a string, held in the palm of God's hand, attached to a bell, hung in my being, and everytime He pulled, I prayed, for whatever He wanted me to pray for.

Today, in this foreign place, I find myself walking and talking and singing to and with God almost every moment of the day. When I walk into town, through town, when I walk from building to building in the university, when I take my bath, when I do my grocery shopping, just before I sleep... I have been like a maidservant in the 19th Century Britain (think Jane Austen), who at every tug of the bell by her masters, she answers obediently and willingly. Everytime God pulls, I answer. Immediately. Sometimes, He just wants to hear me sing, or read Him a passage from the Bible, sometimes it's to pray for someone He places on my heart, sometimes it's to give thanks.

Verses in the Bible, past players in the Faith have beseeched followers and fellow believers to pray always, even in the Old Testament, people prayed anytime, anywhere! Go read! There is no fixed place, nor fixed time. Jesus himself prayed practically continuously. When He is happy, when He is sad, when He is desperate and full of anguish, when He is in pain, He prays.

Often you have heard this, that for a relationship to work, all parties must communicate, whether it be verbally or non-verbally. But communication is a must for such an association to be sustained and to progress.

If you know that,
then how much do you want for this relationship you have with the Lord to work?
No one can answer for you because while we are "in this together", in the midst of this "togetherness" there is "the individual". There are choices and stands you must make for yourself.

If you deem this relationship worthy, if you deem the Lord worthy of tireless and passionate pursuit, how is your communication highway with the Lord like?

Do you treat Him like a one night stand? Your mistress, and not your wife?
Only talking to and appeasing Him at night?
Do you keep Him confined within the walls of your bedroom?

I challenge you to remember the Creator 24\7!

I see the Father sitting up and rubbing His hands together in excited anticipation.
He is ready.

I challenge you to remember Him 24\7!

I just had another crazy thought!

I love Christmas.
It means life, it means family, it means love.

While I am here in Guildford, I find myself thanking God for a great many things, things that I probably would never have sincerely thanked God for were I still in Singapore.

I thanked God for the internet, through which I am able to stay connected to my family and friends back home and even over here.
I thanked God for water heaters and radiators so I can keep warm in this cold.
I thanked God for YouTube that I may entertain myself while waiting to fall asleep.
I thanked God for this opportunity to travel to a foreign land.
I thanked God for music that fills uncomfortable silences.
I thanked God for fashioning us in the likeness of Him, that we too are creative mini-creators!
I thanked God for who He is, being able to come with me, no matter where I go.
... ... ...

It's still about the beginning of the year, so try this:
get out your Christmas tree, or if you're lazy just wipe clean a clear window pane.
then everytime you catch yourself thanking God for something, not in jest but very sincerely,
write it down on a piece of paper.
get a bit of sticky tape or bluetack and stick it onto the tree or window (whichever you choose).

This is a year-long project, so don't lose steam!
Keep going!
I'll be you'll find as you keep doing it, it'd be like drinking sweet wine after a long and arduous journey in the desert.

At the end of the year, sit down on Christmas Eve and read all you have written. Thanking GOd all over again as you remember each experience, each grateful moment.

I think thankfulness, the ability to say thank you in truth and all sincerity, is a spiritual gift. Some of us find it easy to do, some harder. Regardless, we have much to be thankful for. The bed we have to sleep in at night, the food on the table, the air to breathe, water to bathe, Bibles we can read, quiet areas in which we can spend time seeking God's counsel, our very life...

Many many ways with which we can employ to thank our God, to worship Him, to show Him our gratefulness.
Some of us sing, some dance, some create artistic works, some write, and some proclaim or shout!
It really is fantastic watching and learning all these ways creative man uses to praise our creative Father.

May you learn to possess an observant eye,
an alert nose,
sensitive skin,
a hungry tongue,
and receptive ears.

May you learn to see what the Lord sees,
and feel what the Lord feels,
and hear what the Lord hears.

May your heart be as moulding clay,
that it should be fashioned in the hands of the Potter
to rejoice and ache and be still and scream
as He does.

May each morning find you raring to go,
and each night find you on your knees in heavy thankfulness.

May you seek the Lord at each turn of the pavement,
and may you find Him in the most unexpected places.

Nothing in the universe is more wonderful than You are, Almighty God.
The flowers of the field, they do not worry,
for You bring them food and water and rest,
You clothe them with garments so beautiful and delicate.
No wise man would dare compare.

From the frail green bean to the mighty lion
You have knitted us all together in the intricate web of life,
none greater than the other;
for each one needs the other.
I praise You of perfect plans and crafts,
for without You, everything perishes;
nothing stands.

I sing to You, and I beseech You
turn not Your face from me, nor Your Love be hidden from my eyes.
Forgive me when I sin, magnanimous One,
forgive me.
When I kneel at Your feet in shame and brokenness,
You take my hands and lift me up
from the humiliation and the filth, You picked me up,
and restored to me my place by Your side,
my crown of Life.
I wish to sit in Your presence for ever,
to bask in Your glory, to speak and listen to Your comforting Voice.

You life me up, higher than the tallest mountain,
higher than all the stars in the heavens
that twinkle for joy at being crafted at Your good Hands.
You are my wings,
that I may soar and that my feet not grow weary.
You guide my feet, for they are Yours;
they obey Your bidding, they go where You want them to;
over jagged cliffs and raging seas
they walk and take me to where You will me to be.
I bend my will to receive Yours.

My LORD, let mine eyes see what You see
and my ears hear what You hear.
May they be sensitive to the groanings of Your people and Your beloved creation.
Let my heart be broken by Your Love and Your Law;
Your perfect Love, Your perfect Law,
and be rebuilt to break for what breaks Yours,
to ache for what causes You pain.
My body is Yours,
may it dance for joy when You rejoice in the company of angels and saints,
may it bend and tremble with hurt and anger when Your anger burns against sin and the doings of the evil one.

My pen is Yours.
I pick it up and You speak,
Your servant writes
for he longs to obey and to love his Lover.
His body shivers and his mind works
at the very thought of You, at the quiet and powerful Voice of Yours.
He longs You stay with him every moment.

O LORD, my God,
I love You.

Might I inquire as to how your new year's shaping up =] ?

Mine did not start off quite as well as I'd have liked it for one reason, one cause only. I revisited a past sin, succumbed to a past temptation that I've not fallen to for a long period of time. I don't like that word. "Fallen". It sounds like failure to me. Sounds like I have not the strength nor the resolution nor the will to overcome. I don't really like the idea of being helpless and weak. If you know me, you'll know what I mean. I'm the kind whose idea of the most horrific film I can ever watch is one where the characters are trapped in a helpless and hapless situation. I get nightmares from these films. "Wrong Turn" (2003) is a perfect example.

But then I remembered something I learnt in the past. That if I do not allow myself to come towards Jesus precisely because of my sin, I am causing Him more grief than when I first committed the sin, because I am denying Him the chance to love me, I am denying Him my cross He wishes and has carried for me in my stead.

So on the second day of the new year, I came to Him in prayer and devotion, laying bare before Him my hurts and pride, a ceramic pot complete with cracks. He gave me this passage to read:

' But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.'

~ 1 Peter 2: 9-10

Peter uses much imagery, much description here in these two verses alone in his letter, his exhortation. Words that refer to me, to us who belong to God through Christ Jesus. We are a new creation, a newborn infant, an obedient children, a people, no, the people of God, we are a royal kingdom, the holy people, we are the free slaves of the Father, we are His flock, we are His worshippers, we are a family.

What shook me was the label of being God's obedient child for I was not. I disobeyed on the first day of the new year. And that tore me. But I remembered His promise and His character, I sought His forgiveness and His love with quiet desperation hinted with eagerness. I needed it. I needed Him so much.

God did respond. And boy did He respond with a vengeance! He spoke at lengths with me, conversed with me, and answered all my questions. The year is lookin' to be a good one for me. A great one, in fact, filled with anticipation and assurance.

Now it is your turn. It is your turn to be honest with yourself,
if you're doing swell with the Lord, be honest and give thanks and bask in His love and peace,
if you're not, be honest and cry out if you will.

Look again at Peter's descriptions of us, of you.

Which one hits you the most?

And why?

(follow-up questions inspired by Michael Card.)