peace . love . joy

Friendship vs. Marriage

In many discussions with other people, the most commonly cited defining difference between the two is the "s" word: sex. For some, they speak of it as a "consummation" of a marriage, and for others, sex within marriage is a God-approved and blessed act of mutual accountability toward holiness and for the purposes of procreation. But for all, sex is good, sex is desirable. More specifically, though, it is the closeness that both partners feel through the act of sex that is the goal.

In our marriage with God, perhaps to speak of the consummation of our union in terms of what as humans we understand as sex would bring some discomfort to our minds. And so, we replace the distinctly mortal and finite concept "sex" with a more "acceptable" term "intimacy".

Intimacy with God.

How many of us have counted as one of our blessings an exprienced "spiritual high"?
Returning from a mission trip, during an intense worship session, after an awesome time of fellowship over Bible study... That fantastic connection of our spirits with His, that alignment of our wills with His... That indescribable union. If anything, we'd label these instances as feeling intimate with the Father, with the Groom. And of course, we love it and want more of it!

But what about the times when (and I say "when" and not "if" because it will or has already happened to every one of us) we don't feel that intimacy we crave?
When you pray and feel nobody's (ie. God) listening, when you sing songs on Sunday and feel nothing, when you engage in studying the Bible and sense a wall blocking your way... When you feel alone and unwanted, cast aside... Like you're living in the same house as God, but you feel He's not acknowledging your presence... Like the intimacy, the romance is gone. And you just sit and wonder what's happened, when and why did this relationship grow cold...

Regardless what answers you find, this Truth must be remembered:
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever"
~ Hebrews 13:8
That you not be led away by diverse and strange teachings.

And with that, we examine our lives, for the one who has moved cannot be the Lord, and therefore, it is us.

Sin on our part may be the reason for the lack of intimacy:
"Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save,
or his ear dull, that it cannot hear;
but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God,
and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
For your hands are defiled with blood and your fingers with iniquity;
your lips have spoken lies;
your tongue mutters wickedness."
~ Isaiah 59:1-3

Emotions may be the reason for the lack of intimacy:
I like what Dr. James Dobson wrote in "Emotions: Can You Trust Them?". He said that "(emotion) has a definite place in human affairs, but when forced to stand alone, feelings usually reveal themselves to be unreliable and ephemeral and even a bit foolish". Even so, he goes on to explain that to "minimize the impact of emotion on human behavior" would be a terrible mistake. Emotion is not bound by the logical faculties of reason, and thereby a powerful tool the Devil may choose to wield. "Every river of emotion running deep within the human spirit has the capacity of overflowing its banks and flooding the mind with its rampaging waters... Our purpose has been to fortify the banks of those rivers with scriptural truth and psychological understanding".

Lack of discipline, of self-control may be the reason for the lack of intimacy:
Our relationship with God is built on the premises of studying His Word, of communicating with Him, of bending our wills to His, of worship. Should we lack in any of these, our union is headed for disaster.

Know these three are but three from a long list of possibilites that can account for the coldness in a relationship with God.
Know these three are not isolated, but have the ability to become a confusing ball of yarn:
For example, sin causes guilt. Guilt may lead to an overwhelming emphasis on the human unworthiness. And that may lead to a continued belief that culminates with a sense of unworthiness to commune with the holy God, a foothold for the Devil, let alone engage in a relationship with Him.
Sometimes because we don't feel close to God, we lose interest and desire to study His Word, we forget to talk and walk with Him...
And this is but two permutations of these three factors.

These could lead to adultery, the Hebrew נאף (nâ'aph) meaning the breaking of wedlock, particularly by the woman, the bride. Straying from the marriage bed by courting and worshipping that which we should not: sexual immorality, deceit, sorcery, drunkeness, rivalry, jealousy, anger, dissensions, etc. (ref. Gal 5:19-21).

Would it disturb and frighten you to know that while God loathes divorce, there exist verses allowing divorce for one reason and one reason alone: adultery?

"You have played the whore with many lovers;
and would you return to me?
declares the Lord.
Lift up your eyes to the bare heights, and see!
Where have you not been ravished?
By the waysides you have sat awaiting lovers like an Arab in the wilderness.
You have polluted the land with your vile whoredom.
Therefore the showers have been withheld, and the spring rain has not come;
yet you have the forehead of a whore;
you refuse to be ashamed.
Have you not just now called to me,
'My father, you are the friend of my youth -
will he be angry forever,
will he be indignant to the end?'
Behold, you have spoken,
but you have done all the evil that you could."
~ Jeremiah 3:1-5

Divorce from your union with the Lord.

But read on:

"'Return, faithless Israel,
declares the LORD.
I will not look on you in anger, for I am merciful,
declares the LORD;
I will not be angry forever.
Only acknowledge your guilt, that you rebelled against the LORD your God
and scattered your favors among foreigners under every green tree,
and that you have not obeyed my voice,
declares the LORD.
Return, O faithless children,
declares the LORD;
for I am your master;
I will take you,
one from a city and two from a family,
and I will bring you to Zion."
~ Jeremiah 3:12b-14

If anything, this goes to show how much our Groom detests divorce,
how much our unfaithfulness hurts Him,
how much He longs to be reconciled with us,
how much He loves us.

"God's silence is as much a sign of God's presence as of God's absence. That divine silence is not a vacuum to be filled, but a mystery to be entered into. Unarmed with words and undistracted by noise, a holy of holies, in which we too may be struck dumb by the power of the unsayable God" (Barbara Brown Taylor, When God is Silent).

We can find intimacy when we feel no intimacy.
When we truly sense the Lord watching, but not speaking, our yearning for Him to just at least say a word, a yearning not answered, a hunger not sated, a thirst not quenched,
our longing for the goodness of what we have tasted reminds us of the realness of God,
His choosing to be quiet reminds us of the sovereign power Jehovah is,
the absence of communion is the grace He offers us.

All this in a bid, His bid to nudge us closer, draw us more tightly into the arms of our loving Groom, Jesus the Christ, who very interestingly is the only one on this planet to have ever heard the true deafening power of God's silence, and that during the time when He wanted and longed for it most: nailed to the Cross, crying out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"

He longs to be intimate with us.
We long to be intimate with him.

Listen and root out the sin in your life.
Never give up the discipline of coming to Him daily.
And hide His Truth in the depths of your heart.

Our marriage with God truly is worth the fight and the perseverance.

Consummate your marriage with God daily,
and dwell in the intimacy that comes only with such a communion.

"I am sure that neither death nor life, angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of god in Christ Jesus our Lord"
~ Romans 8:38-39