peace . love . joy

I was really excited over Chinese New Year this year. It's a big thing for my family (it probably is for most all Chinese) and I love that it's a great excuse to get together with the entire family, even those who've travelled overseas to make a living there return, eat good food together with people whom we love, and get free money, haha!

I didn't get to celebrate it last year with my family because I was over in the UK for my student exchange. And while we did celebrate it, it was with new and unfamiliar faces, and it was just a dinner (and not enough food, at that!). My father brought the webcam over to my granparent's place (we always go there on the eve and on the first day of the celebrations). All throughout the skype conversation, as each of my aunts and uncles, cousins and my grandparents took turns to stand within the frame of the webcam to speak to me, I literally bawled. I never knew I'd miss my family so much!

So you can imagine how excited I was to dress up and go visiting this year.

But on the eve of CNY, I woke up with my left eye alarmingly red. Now, my eyes aren't the healthiest; they're ultra-sensitive and sometimes turn red for no reason whatsoever, but this wasn't the usual redness. This was worrying.

My mum took me to see the doctor at the A&E. He didn't lend himself to be very caring nor compassionate nor trustworthy. But I did listen and took the prescribed medication as directed.

So for the whole of CNY, I had to deal with a bare face (no make-up: I know, I can be quite vain), take ugly photos with other fresh-faced & glamourously made-up people, deal with constant questions about the redness of my eye, and to top it all off, endure the discomfort of my eye.

I was pretty upset! My eyes were fine and so blue-white the days leading up to CNY. What happened??

I prayed really hard and constantly, and I mean persistantly, for God to take it away, for a miracle, and a quickie at that! But somehow, I kept feeling as though God wasn't listening, and it's not because my eye wasn't miraculously healed. Rather, it was as though there was a perspex glass between me and Him and I was hollering, but He couldn't hear. It didn't faze me though; I ploughed right on, relentless in my verbal tirade.

Then, on the first day of CNY, I decided not to go with my family to church for service because my eye was quite bad that morning. When they left, I decided that it'd be nice to have a little "service" of my own right at home. But it was a glimmer of a thought that flitted through my brain. I was quickly distracted by other thoughts.

"Starts with a P-."

That came into my mind all on its own, and all of a sudden.

"Prayer", was my immediate response that surprised me, for I was thinking nothing of prayer in the immediately preceding thoughts, in fact, I was thinking nothing of my faith (more on what I'd eat for lunch and what programs were on TV later)!

Then, I knew what God would have me do in that time I was completely alone at home.

He wanted me to focus on Him.

So I asked that I not be disturbed by anything, no telephone calls, no smses, no person knocking on the door, and certainly no family returning from church. Not until we (ie. God and I) were done with our little rendevous.

Thinking it'd be nice to play the piano and sing to God, I tried that. I ain't good at playing and singing simultaneously so I don't usually do that, but I did it anyway that day, and surprisingly, it wasn't too shabby an effort!

As I was playing and singing, I was reminded that once, not too long ago, I asked for a glimpse into God's heart. Then, I immediately got what I asked for. That glimpse. And I thought maybe I ought to ask for it again, that I may pray for what is in His heart, instead of going on about what I want.

I did.

And His answer?

Haiti.
Wars and conflicts.

How foolish I was to pray only for myself!
How much more selfish can I be?

How could I have been so disturbed by the 12012010 earthquake in Haiti then and not continue interceding for them on their behalf?
How could I go on and on and on about my selfish vexations and not about something that grips and wrenches and twists God's heart?

How could I have seen and not be moved?

Maybe I would have seen better if my eyes were shut.
Maybe I would have heard better if my heart were beating together with God's.

I need to re-align myself with my God.

Do you?

Search your heart.
Difficult, no?
How terrible that even we could lie even to ourselves!

So I find one of the easiest ways into a person's heart is what he\she speaks and prays for, for words, the utterances of the tongue betray the desires of the being.
The tongue is the tattletale of the heart.

What is important to you?

Do you ache for what He longs for,
cry for what brings Him sorrow?
Do you rejoice over what He loves?

Do you need to re-align yourself with God?

Will you re-align yourself with God?



(BTW, I wasn't disturbed at all while communing with God. My family came home a good twenty minutes after we were finished.)