peace . love . joy

Young Methodist Leaders Conference 070907~090907 - Holiday Inn, Batam - Unlimited Power

before we left for the conference in Batam, we from Faith were told to again (same as last year) write down our objectives for the conference. and from experience, what we wrote were always answered. so this is serious, man. pray and seek God before you write down what you intend to write.

i wrote three things:
one. for proof once again that my God exists. been feeling dry and overcome with sadness. too much of an emotional roller coaster for my liking =(
two. to be taught how to bridge my studies (sociology) and my faith. sociology probes into practically every sphere of life, and my faith pervades every nook and cranny of my life. i need to find out how to do both. because i believe God led me to do sociology. and i believe it was not meant to make me lose faith.
three. for strength to carry what i'll learn in the conference across the sea back to singapore. for strength to never forget what i'll learn there.

in other words, the main aim for me was to be encouraged and (God willing) be encouraging to others as well.

want to know something?

God answered all my prayers.

Yu is a friend of mine. granted we are not close, but we are still friends. well, more like acquaintences. we happened to be in the same mentor group (we were divided into groups at the conference, for discussions, and to get to know others from other methodist churches in singapore).

now we were all given a little blue card on the first day, and on them, we each had a verse and a short message. you see, we were each prayed for by name before the conference and the person who prayed for us wrote a passage and a short message that he\she felt God wanted us to remember, or to speak to us with. Yu felt that her message was very confrontational. and wondered if it meant that she was not following God's plan and purpose thus far. so she prayed about it, but heard nothing from God. Yu started feeling upset and uncertain. all this she shared with me over dinner on the first night.

around 5.30 am the next morning, when i was spending quality time with God on the balcony of my room, God spoke to me. He told me that the message in Yu's card was not of the past, but of the future. that something might happen and He wanted her to know which course of action to take. to remind her. that i can understand. but then, God went on to say that He also wanted me to tell her that He loved her. now that was kinda mind-boggling. where's the connection? i dont see one. so i was kinda bewildered.

anyhow, during lunch when we were seated in our mentor groups, Yu sat beside me. as i ate, i was wondering if i should tell her now what God said. but as usual, i was hesitant. so i said to God, "God, if You really want me to tell her now, let her talk to me first." straight after that, (i didnt even get to say "amen"!) Yu turned to me and asked me a question (something about the food, i think). man~! so i asked her how she felt now. to which she replied that now she felt worthless, having not heard from God. she felt like God didnt love her and stuff. you can imagine how i felt~! in my mind, i was like "God, You are brilliant, You know that?!" so i told her. i told her that He said the message mightn't be referring to the past, but a future decision that she would have to make. and the God loved her. you should have seen her face! relief and happiness just made her..glow!

on the 2nd night, Rev. Edmund De Souza asked us to stack the chairs against the walls and stand. then He asked us to pray. boy, you should have been there. no words can accurately describe. God was there. He was SO there. as we stood to pray (being prayed for individually by mentors and pastors, and friends, and praying on our own, and praying for others), i felt myself swaying, i think i was tired. i dont know, but i prayed to God that He wont make me fall (you know, when the Spirit comes upon people, some may fall - "slain by the Spirit", some may cry uncontrollably, some laugh, some speak in tongues..). i just refused to fall. God reminded me that though i'm praying on my own, noone praying for me and noone behind me to catch me if i fall, if i fall, i will not be harmed. being the person that i am, i still refused to fall and let go. so He said, "well, there are some things i want to tell you, but i can tell you only if you are on the ground." dont aske me what that meant. i dont know. but i hypothesize it might be because then i'll be totally focussed on Him, no worrying about standing or balancing or swaying. so i said okay, i'll kneel. so i knelt on the ground, my face to the ground, resting on the top of my hands, palms to the ground and said "what do you want to tell me, Lord?"

i started crying.

really crying. i didnt feel sad, and i didnt feel moody, i didnt feel happy. i felt peace - like this was exactly where i was meant to be at that point in time. but i just cried.

God waited til i calmed down some what to sniffles and quiet tears. then He spoke. in essence, this is what He said:
"well done, you've taken part in My Will, you have spoken My Words to Yu, despite being the quiet and hesitant person you are. well done =]
how do you feel now that you've taken this step of faith and be knitted into My Will? good, huh? =]
so now you know how it feels to consciously do it, do it again! dont be afraid!
now look, all your objectives I have answered."
to which He proceeded to explain one after the other:
"is this not proof that I exist? you are speaking with Me, and I have worked through you here in this conference.
sociology is the study of human organisation and disorganisation. to understand how they organise themselves. use this knowledge to understand the workings of the church. use it for your ministry. use it for your future ministry - you know where I am sending you.
strength I give you. opportunities I will provide for you to remember and exercise what you have learnt.
also, you have been encouraged, and you have encouraged in return"
then He opened the memory of speaking with Yu and seeing her face.

gosh!

then i prayed. well, prayed through my crying, for other people that i know by name and face.

amanda, one of my 3 roomies prayed for me. it was very touching and very amazing what she prayed for. it was amazing that she even prayed for me! (i just got to know her but the day before!)

hannah and i went forward to pray for our mentor, Pastor Reuben =]
His testimony is very powerful. when you listen, you can hear God's knitting sticks clicking and clacking away =]
very encouraging and all you can do is just sit in awe at how God works and how God simply is..

it was awesome, this conference. really awesome.

to hear God's people sing praises to Him with all the voice they have, pushing their vocal chords to the max
to speak with God's people and feel the passion and understand the struggles they face, encouraging them and being encouraged in return
to feel the wind on your face when you meet with God in the early morning when the sun has yet to rise
to see hands being raised in surrender and in awe of God
to smell the good food during breakfast, lunch and dinner - mmm-mmm =]
to be reminded of our purpose and what really matters, a refreshing look

it was awesome. really awesome.

note: i've begun spending quality time with God again every morning around 7.20 til 8 am just before school starts on monday and tuesday, and around 7 til 7.35 am on wednesday (cos school starts at 9 am). yesterday, no school! so i spent time with God at around 7.15 til 8 am =D

in parting, i'd like to share with you this song a church-mate wrote for the conference this year. may it be a blessing to you as it was a blessing to me.

UNLIMITED POWER
Written by Jonas Chow, 31 January 2007

Where can I go from Your presence Father
For You are everywhere
Where can I hide but in the shadow of Your wings
Near to Your heart there I’ll dwell
What can I do, Lord, apart from You
It’s not by my might but by Your Spirit
Your Holy Spirit

You are the source of unlimited power
You are the One who makes all things new
You are the vine we are the branches
And Lord, we abide in You
Lord, we abide in You

Holy Spirit fall on us anew (Our beloved Saviour)
We abide in You (Blessed Redeemer)
Holy Spirit fall on us anew (Source of every power)
We abide in You



Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patince, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which you were indeed called in one body. And be thankful.

~ Colossians 3:12-15

top : SQ, Shaun, ShuoXian, Joseph, Pastor Reuben

bottom : YunLing, Hannah, Gracia, ShiYing, me

missing =p : WeeTeck, Josh

today was great!

today's the day joyce and i were to present in class on the German Expressionist Cinema.

as some of you might have known, i was a lil apprehensive and quite stressed abt it since this presentation, together with an accompanying thesis paper, was to make up 40% of our final grades for this class (western film history). it didnt help that the work was all pushed to the last minute because joyce was kinda busy..

BUT

after we presented, Jan said "very good!"
but i thought that he, like any other teacher, would have said that just to cheer the presenters up after crossing that seemingly difficult and stressful(?) hurdle.

these two engineering guys presented after us on the cinema after the Expressionist movement - basically the New German Cinema (more impressionist than expressionist). i thought it was good, except for using too many words on the slides. seriously, i had problems reading and listening at the same time. also, they didnt have much, or in my opinion, enough, of my fav - pix. Jan pointed that out too, but he didnt pass the comment he gave us
(view the above)

so, it is likely i was wrong in my assumption, and it is likely that he meant it =]

feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest!
well, not lifted totally as i've, or rather, we've still the thesis paper to do. but it still feels good that the work has paid off =D

this is one of the very few times that i can actually hold my head up high and proclaim with a confident and loud voice that i've put in a lot of effort into this (approx 89%) and the hard work has paid off =]

weeeeee~*

thank you, God, for pulling me through. i pray you forgive me for the thoughts and the words that i've thought of and said that were unkind. thank you for giving me another reason to trust you, and to have confidence in you. thank you for being the just and faithful one as you are.

amen

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word "Guidance", I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing:
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word "Guidance".

When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".

"God, "u" and "i" dance.
God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.

May you abide in God, as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.
Interceding in prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another.

And I Hope You Dance!

WE ARE SINGAPORE

There was a time when people said that Singapore won’t make it, but we did.
There was a time when troubles seemed too much for us to take, but we did.

We built a nation strong and free
Reaching together for peace & harmony

This is my country
this is my flag
This is my future
This is my life
This is my family
These are my friends
We are Singapore
Singaporeans

Singapore our homeland
It’s here where we belong
All of us united
One peple marching on
We’ve come so far together
Our common destiny
Singapore forever
A nation strong & free

We, the Citizens of Singapore,
Pledge ourselves as one united people,
Regardless of race, language or religion,
To build a democratic society based on justice and equality
So as to achieve happiness, prospertiy and progress for our nation.

We are Singapore
We are Singapore
We will stand together
Hear the Lion roar!

We are Singapore
We are Singapore
We’re a nation strong and free
Forevermore!

it's been 1 week and 1 day since Singapore celebrated her 42nd birthday. spirits are high, morale is good, and singapore flags are still proudly displayed in schools, from balconies and fences of houses and on the walls and parapets of HDB buildings.

taking a look at the songs that have been penned and melodies sung especially for national day celebrations, a change in style has definitely been observed. even in terms of presentation (think MTV) of the song, the style and emphasis has changed..or has it?

of all the songs, this one, "we are singapore", has struck a chord with me, and i'm sure, many others as well. i like how the melody, simple and innocent, breathes life and soul to the body of lyric. perhaps it's because it's about what i hold dear, very dear - family, or as stitch would put it, ohana. the video that was filmed to accompany this song has a very nostalgic feel about it. my memory is hazy, but i think it was done in color. however, everytime i call up this memory, the video that plays over and over again in my head is played in sepia. familiar smells of my maternal grandfather's (long since gone from this world) home, waking up after a sleepover at his flat in kembangan at 7 in the morning, hearing a rooster crow in a distance, walking to the table and watching him prepare a chicken floss with butter sandwich for me..familiar sounds of my fellow childcare (kinderworld at toh crescent, now demolished to make way for a new private estate) playing with me in the painted wooden playground, frolicking during water play time in our underpants, watching it being filled and bloated with water then being squished out of our pants accompanied by laughs and shouts of pure joy and ecstacy..familiar feel of pushing bark off the large protruding root of the old tree at loyang 6 toa payoh (tree's now gone, i think)..familiar sights of the night sky kissing the dark sea off the coast outside the runway of changi airport and hearing the deafening road of the airplane jets as they take off and zoom above our heads..all things i associate with my childhood..all are called up when i hear that song.

singapore is indeed walking forward, stride by prideful, cautious stride. that, i think can be said for certain about our economy. but what about our social and political aspect? i think politically, no matter what others, or even myself may say, we are doing fine - we've an obviously capable government, who obviously has our and their welfare at heart, what more could we ask for? let's not look at ideologies here, not about communism, varients of the kind, or of democracy. personally, i dont think any type of ideology is entirely feasible in the real world. both communism and democracy have admirable and of course, idealistic goals, but it is my belief that both are not do-able. they are utopians, granted different, but in a dream world where one society is governed by either one of the ideas, in the purest of forms of the idea, they would be magnificent. but as i said, i dont believe the purest of forms of each are attainable. as such, we've to settle for, dare i say, "second best".

who says "second best" is not good? just because it has the word "second" in front, does it mean anythg? perhaps since the best of ideology is unattainable, "second best" has become the "best". i have no qualms about the way singapore is being run by the PAP, simply because i've no problems with it. i'm here minding my own business, listening to mom and pop say "go get a good education, girl. get a uni degree at the very least", living my life (or is it mine?) with no terrible trouble or friction with the government. hence no problems. it isnt in my interest to meddle in "affairs of the state" nor is it in my interest to enter politics, that area shall be left to those who "care for the political sphere of singapore", or so they claim, perhaps it's just man's carnal nature to compete and emerge the victor in the scuffle that each wants to enter for the sake of winning, each thinking he's the best, each thinking he is right.

the sphere that i care most about amongst the others is the social. granted i'm not the "social-est" of beings, but it is the one arena of life that i find intriguing - it is the one that always changes, is never predictable, and yet, it is fundamentally the same and therefore forseeable. singaporeans..sigh..what are singaporeans? is it a breed of human-kind that can be distinguished from others by some test or characteristic? i dont know. what i see day to day are a bunch of people who dont know where they're headed. some claim that they're headed for university, but after that, where to sailor? some claim they're headed for distant shores, what are you seeking there, vagabond? is it to seek a life that you think you can stamp your name on in bold lettering? you feel that in singapore, your life is being institutionalised and you want escape. is that it? well, surprise, wherever you go, you will find institutions. you cant evade them. life, the moment it is conceived in the mother's womb belongs never solely to you. it belongs to you, and many others, for some, including the entity God.

what are we? who are we? where are we going? how are we going to get there? why are we here, where we are, in the first place?

take a look at this year's national day speech by PM lee hsien loong. what do you see?

i see a future for this country if the world doesnt end tomorrow.

i see a future that the sentimental and emotional me cannot accept because it cannot recognise the new. sometimes out with the old, in with the new is not the best policy. sometimes, the old has to die for the new to come. but is it the only way? or rather is it the best way to move the king? what are the risks? does it mean that if the benefits far outweigh the casualty number, it is correct or justifiable?

the songs that we sing during the national day celebrations, does it reflect a similar shift in emphasis of the government? shift in the focus of interest. a shift in a strategy to "survive"..

our singapore is morphing to become a "global city", a "city of opportunities", a city filled with "moments of magic". a place with, i would venture, enough opportunities for the population, a more or less comfortable lodging for majority of the people compared (i admit it may not be the best yardstick with which to measure) with that of say, ethiopia or timor or in some parts of china, that is the singapore we now know. but a country with a good economy, boasting of a in-corruptable government is not a nation. a nation consists of the people, the people held together by the "social glue", the people having a strong and solid sense of the presence of a community. is that the focus of this year's theme song? because the government is afraid of the countrymen forsaking the country? on a side note, is it utterly essential for singapore to become a nation?

is there really "no place i'd rather be" than here, in "my country"?

singapore. what is your history? what is your future? what are you?

singapore, our homeland, it's here that we belong..

we are singapore.

school's started for both NTU and NUS students. SMU!! ure next!! mwahahahaha =D

this week's the second week of school for us NTU sizzlers, and can u imagine? i'm alrd behind time because my teacher freaked me out by being unclear of presentation dates on the edveNTUre website, and i've work to catch up on for caroline.

taking 5 subjects again this semester:
Classical Social Theory
Organisation and Organisational Change
Sociology of the Lifecourse
Genes R Us
Western Film History

one. Chee Han's back, with longer hair (a lil shorter than mine..i hope) and a deeper voice. taking my tutorial class for CST. as i said during class, after a slight hesitation as i am not used to being addressed "meg" esp in a deep voice that i cant recognise, this course looks promising! because i love studying theories of the Dead White Men (apologies for any hints of racism detected, no offense)! i esp love MARX!! i think it's because he's the first guy i came across amongst the others during history class in secondary school. and i like the idea of communism*.

*i didnt say it will work, nor that i will guarantee my participation in any form of activity promoting this ideology. i just said i like the idea.

two. prof Tan Joo Ean is taking us for OOC =] i really like her. she reminds me so much of my mum - loud (enough), confident..cool..though i'm not too sure abt my sentiments on this module, i'm pretty sure i shall enjoy it, well, ,,it" being listening to prof Tan talk during lectures.

three. no comment on this new lecturer for SOL. aside from that...nevermind...think mingwei, just...worse...(no offense mingwei!)

four. i really pity prof Dr. Gerhard Grüber! the first lect ytd for genes, my goodness! everyone was so chatty! the poor guy had to try to lecture above the din, man! plus ppl were walking out of the Lt like nobody's business. what's your problem, people?? how'd u feel if you were him?? he even brought bubbles, BUBBLES, the pretty purple bacteria, and thought up interesting illustrations for the lecture!! granted the lect was a lil dry (but for me, i know it's cos i've studied this before) but it's no excuse! at least show him some respect! sianz..really felt like standing up and asking everyone to shut up..

five. FILM HISTORY!!!! 40% worth of presentation and thesis paper due next week, wednesday =] .. =( ..
i like watching the short sequences and learning abt the pple and studios =) not to mention the lecturer's not too hard on the eyes either, HAHA..okay, now i'm sounding like a bimbo, but who cares?! i'm not hurting anyone..am i?

congratulations! you've just finished reading a rubbishy-update-post! tune in next time for a more solid-meaningful-reflective post.

Adios, amigo-mio!