peace . love . joy

i'm getting rather hot tempered, touchy (as in easily irritated and agitated) and moody these days.

and after a bit of thinking while waiting for cindy's dad to pick us up because the bunch of us - sijia, tim Lam, yong, gabriel, puiki - missed the last shuttle bus out of NUH after visiting Daena there, i know why i'm so...temperamental...

spiritual walk.

i've become what i hate the most : a hypocrite.
i say i'm a christian, i go to church, i teach (heck, i teach!) sec 3s the bible. but i'm not living my life the way Jesus wants me to.

the focus has been shifted from Jesus and the cross onto myself.
i've jumped into the pit of selfishness.
cant see noone but me.

i know that's wrong. i know that's sinning. i know God is angry at me.

i know what it's like to be in the palm of God's hand. i know what it's like to have joy and peace in Him and through Him. i can safely say i've tasted the goodness of God before. and i know i like it. no, i love it. it's like quiet ecstasy for me. it's like a cool breeze in summer. it's like sitting by the ocean and gazing at the horizon where the sky meets the sea.

i want to go back there, leaving every unGodly thing i'm entertaining, leaving the life i'm living now. to that quiet place where nothing else matters. noone and nothing. just me and God taking a stroll along the glen.

self pleasure and gratification coming in the everlasting form of being in God's good book. not from the materials of the world.

pray for me, please!
pray that God will slap me so hard my teeth get all knocked out.
pray for God to forgive me and take me back.
pray that i will respond positively to that whuppin' and come crying back to Jehovah-Mekaddishkem (the Lord, our sanctifyer).
pray that i will remember that slap.