peace . love . joy

This is not the first song I've written. But it is the first song I've written that actually has a story behind it.

I have been struggling to spend one-on-one time with God for the past week. Actually, I have not been spending one-on-one time with Him.

And that bothers me and confuses me because it is not that I "have no time", like how other people tend to say when you ask them why they don't spend quality time with God. I, on the contrary, have time. I just use it to do other things like attempting to study, playing the piano, playing online games, etc. Those activities in and of themselves are not inherently evil. But when I choose them over God, they become bad.

I do enjoy spending quality time with God. The material I'm using is called "Joy in the Journey" by Michael Card, and it never fails to minister to me. Never. Hence my confusion: if I actually learn from it, if it actually speaks to me, why am I not doing it?

It would not be wrong to say I have tasted the goodness that comes from a dynamic and alive relationship with God. I have. I know I have. And I think people around me can testify that I have. So why am I not working it?

See my confusion?

My confusion turned to anger and irritability. And it heightened on Sunday because of a series of events starting from Saturday night. So I want to say sorry to those I've unintentionally hurt, which includes my parents. I'm sorry.

Yesterday, while waiting approximately four hours for two of my friends to arrive so we can all enter into the zoo, I spoke on the phone with Puiki. Long conversation. Didn't amount to any advice given on her part to me, which was fine. What can anyone say anyways to what I was feeling and facing?

But this morning, just as I was about to not do my daily bread again, I saw a message from Puiki.

So I picked up my "Joy in the Journey", my diary, my ESV Bible and went to my parent's room and spent some time with God.

I don't know how long I spent with Him. But what does that matter? What matters is that God responded to my prayer. That is what matters.

And He gave me the words and the music (including the arrangement!) to a new song.

This new song is called "Know." with the full-stop at the end.

Know

Chorus:
Know! Know you're forgiven.
Know! You're His beloved.
Know! He's waiting for you to come into His arms..
Back again.

Verse 1:
Heavy laden with cares and woes,
Eyes downcast to the gravelly road,
Shuffle your way to the One
who gives you peace!

(Chorus)

Verse 2:
Take your steps, my little one,
Slowly, shakily come.
Stumble towards the light at the end of the the tunnel
Come, oh, come!

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Trust in the Lord.
Wait upon Him.
Watch and witness the perfect timing of
He who cares for you!

End chorus:
Know! Know that He loves you!
Know! Know He forgives you!
Know! Know that He yearns for you to come back into His arms!
And there to stay, oh, stay for all time.