peace . love . joy

feel like i'm on an emotional roller-coaster ride..except i dont like it..(think most of u guys know that i'm a roller-coaster freak and an adrenaline junkie wannabe..onli thg keeping me back is my mum not wanting me to do those stuff that is dangerous..)

i dont like it at all.

the hype and excitement of a new school..new friends..new classes..new structure..it is all gone..blown away..feels so long ago..

i feel as though my outer layers..the coverings i wove for myself..to protect myself frm hurts others cld inflict either knowingly or unknowingly to me..fake armour..like a fake door in pyramids..open that door and one comes to a complete halt..facing a stone wall..a dead end..

i feel bare..naked..tired..stupid..ridiculous..

if i cry now, it'd be the second time i've cried since i've started school in NTU..

i dunno..jus feel so alone..

guess i was right after all..i do NEED campus crusade..no matter how much i dont feel like joining it..i think i must..i should..i shall..

i know i must plough on..and i shall plough on..for gOd's sake..

i know He wants me in Uni..i know it must be NTU..i know it must be sociology..

who am i to argue with His word?

who am i to deny His faithfulness?

who am i to stand defiant to His will?

i am thankful for OJ..i am thankful for the lessons i've learnt..i am thankful for being able to remember what i've learnt..

i am blessed.

i jus want so much..

but only gOd knows (not even i know) exactly what i need when i need..and He knows how to give and supply..

dont give me things i cant take..dont give me fictitious ideas i cant let go of..

Psalm 77
i cried out to gOd for help;
i cried out to gOd to hear me.
when i was in distress, i sought the Lord;
at night i stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.

i remembered You, O gOd, and i groaned;
i mused, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing;
i was too troubled to speak.
i thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
i remembered my songs in the night.
my heart mused and my spirit inquired;

"will the Lord reject forever?
will He never show His favour again?
has His unfailing love vanished forever?
has His promise failed for all time?
has gOd forgotten to be merciful?
has He in anger withfeld His compassion?"

then i thought, "to this i will appeal;
the years of the right hand of the Most
High."
i will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, i will remember Your miracles of long ago.
i will meditate on all Your works
and consider all Your mighty deeds.

Your ways, O gOd, are holy.
what gOd is so great as our gOd?
You are the gOd who performs miracles;
You display Your power among the
peoples.
with Your mighty arm You redeemed Your
people,
the descendents of Jacob and Joseph.

the waters saw You, O gOd,
the waters saw You and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
the clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
Your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
Your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea,
Your way through the mighty waters,
though Your footprints were not seen.

You led Your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.