peace . love . joy

i feel so tired!!..*yawn*..

jus spent the whole day reading and re-reading the HSS guide to matriculation and registration of subj..matriculating..and coming up with a list of subj i plan on taking in NTU..

i wanna minor in psychology..but for this sem, no vacancy..so cant take it..at least for this sem =]

so exciting!!..Uni life's gonna be a lil different than JC life..cant wait for it to start!!..and yet..i dont want it to start..hmmm..so fickle minded am i..i loathe fickle-mindedness..sigh..

o wels

had a lil conversation with hannah today over msn..nv realli talked to her online b4..hmmm..anyway, we were talking bout how we cant rely entirely on feelings when it comes to gOd-related issues..like serving Him..and keeping the faith..and passion for ministry..

for your benefit..since i onli told hannah and puiki and sijia..i've been feeling abit dry (that's the closest wrd i can come up with to pinpoint how i was..stil am..but getting better) since last monday, 240706..

dry as in..i feel nthg when i do my daily bread..when i attend the sec 2 bs..when i attend my own pcm (smallgrp) bs..nthg..no emotions at all..i didnt make it out into a senseless ritual, okay..i know why i worship..i know why i praise..i know why i pray..i know why i should serve and therefore i do..i go thru with the activities and all because i know it makes gOd happy..and i know it's also because i should be doing it..out of gratitude for evrythg (and that's ALOT) he's done for me..so i wld say i do it for the right reasons..jus that there's no emotional attachment..there's no emotions at all..not even boredom running thru my veins and arteries nor even my capillaries..nada..zilch..

we (hannah and i) agreed that we cannot rely 100% on feelings in our christian walk..because, we as humans, are fickle-minded..and we lose interest sooner or later..

then i said that even tho i felt nthg when i do thgs that i know please gOd..and i did it because i realli wanted to please Him..even tho i felt absolutely nthg, gOd amazingly spoke to me..

when i was at the campus crusade camp, i felt fear..u may think me silly, but i was scared..i've nv said the room cleansing prayer b4..and when i did with my roommate, shareen (cos she suggested it)..my overactv imagination started to wrk like crazy..images and conversations flooded my mind..scary ones..like the devil-children frm Passion of the Christ..stuff like that..it freaked me out..seriously..i open my eyes and i see them coming to life..i close my eyes and i see the images..in color..dancing b4 my eyes..like wad Frodo said.."i can see them..with my waking eye..i'm naked in the dark.."

all i cld think of was to pray..that gOd will look after me and give me peace..to let me slp..a rhyme crept into my mind..a prayer my mum taught me..

"now i lay me down to sleep, i pray the Lord my soul to keep..if i should die before i wake, i pray the Lord my soul to take..may angels watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light..gOd's love stay with me through the night and keep me safe til morning's light..Jesus tender shepherd hear me, bless thy little lamb tonight..through the darkness be thou near me, keep me safe til morning light.."

then smhow..i felt gOd's arms around me..like an enveloping peace..i cld hear gOd whisper " nthg can touch you, dear..ure safe..go to sleep"..dont ask me how i heard it..but i jus did..so i slpt..quite well too, mind u =D

hannah said smthg i thought was interesting..she said "smtyms we want emotions in order to be close to gOd, but gOd can do it the other way round..that is smhow speak to us, bring us closer to Him, and the emotions come after"..

and she said that because i cld stil hear gOd..and be receptv to his still whisper, it shows i'm not far frm gOd even tho i feel like it..

dont give up, those who are like me now..i'm slowly learning to feel for gOd again..with gOd's fantastic help and with the powerful prayers of friends..

we arent as far frm gOd as we smtimes make ourselves out to be..

gOd is always by our side in a flash when we need him..remember the post on Jesus being at Peter's side and immediately stretching out his hand to grasp Peter's when Peter started to drown? (Matthew 14:31)..Help comes to us IMMEDIATELY..thank gOd we're His children =D

gOd's always ready when ure ready..take a time out..talk to gOd..pour out evrythg to Him..

He's the best psychologist..the best listener..the best doctor..the best friend..

He's my personal super hero!!

thank you gOd..

dear gOd, i pray that u help me to revive the passion to serve you once again and i pray for others who are in the same boat as i am..i ask that u prompt us to search within ourselves, to find the root problem why we are like that..and i pray that u solve it with us..thank you Lord for evrythg u've done for me..may i be eternally grateful..i love you..amen

gOd bLEsS

me