peace . love . joy

wel, it's the second day of the new year. i'm a lil sad that the past year's gone. but at least it went out with a bit of a happy note. two thgs to clear up b4 we move on to resolutions (which dont really work, but heck, it makes u excited and it makes u hopeful. both of which are rather nice to have at the beginning. that way, even if u start to go downhill emotionally, it's quite a high platform to start off with so the drop wont be that disastrous. presumably.)

things to clear.

one. i said during sunday class that one thg that changed my life in 06 was the christmas children's drama i ic-ed. i said twice that i would not do it again. that is so wrong and i apologise. sorry uncle Joshua (saw that kinda shocked look on your face). smthg's been hogging my brainspace and i cant think clearly. i wasnt ready and honestly, if it werent so strange, i wlda fell aslp then and there on the table in ACJC. what i said was that i would not want to do that again. what i meant was that i would not want to do that again that way. i would want more time to practice and (if possible) more cooperative and less exasperating kids. i would want more time to hone leading skills (i know i have little. i quake at the thought of leading a bunch of pple i dont even know by name nor by face). i admit that perhaps if i were stricter on them, or appear more authoratative, they may listen. or mebe i gotta learn how to show pple that i'm upset because right now, not even my siblings know when i'm upset.

two. i'm sorry to everyone whom i've offended in 06. if i am to list out everything i did wrong and everyone i've wronged, this post would be at least 58% longer than it is now. but this doesnt mean that i'm insincere in my apology. i am really sorry to all, and i can only hope for your forgiveness. i hope we can start this new year a fresh and i pray that i will not repeat that same offense once more.

resolutions.

one. to be bolder. i dont even dare to ask for smthg frm my parents let alone lead a bunch of pple in bible study.

two. to be more thoughtful of others. i've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately (hence my silence for about the past 5 days) and i've come to the not-so-nice-to-know conclusion that i'm one real selfish thg. not gonna say here how i reached that conclusion, tho. it's gonna be difficult to stop thinking abt myself and to focus more on others. especially when others hurt me and dont even know it. plus i've not the guts to tell them i'm hurting. so that kinda makes matters worse. but i'm gonna try my best.

three. to know God better. i've recently been given a beautiful new bible. it's got a thick leathery green strip on the top, a thinner strip of white with flower shapes (sorta) cut out, and the other 1/2 of the bible's purple with sparkles. it's light and small. i've taken to reading James (because of GoFish, i've never read James as a whole before, this outta be interesting) and 1 Corinthians all over again.

four. to write more songs for God. i find that i really love composing songs for God. so far, i written a few, left some unfinished, thinking of passing them to Gloria (mummy's pestering me to hand them in and share them and not waste them. i dont think if i keep them to myself i'd be wasting them, tho. it wld probably qualify as another reason to say that i'm selfish). i just finished one. it'd sound good on a guitar, tho, not on a piano. songs are powerful stuff. they help me remember who matters most here: not me, but the Almighty. they help me shift the focus from me to the Soverign One. they help me see from His point of view.

five. pray more. prayer helps tune me into God's frequency, and less of the world's. i get distracted real easily, so this ought to help. plus, the less i talk with God, the further i drift from Him. common sense, huh.

six. be more diligent in my school work. (note to self: start revision early - when the chapter's done. organise notes ASAP. dont simply file them away in hopes that i'll have time to re-read them.)

seven. be quick to listen and slow to anger.

eight. learn when to be depressed and when to let my thoughts have free rein. according to sunand, the more i think, the more depressed i become, the more anti-social i become. either that really is true or i listen to what others say about me, decide that i like what i'm hearing and then act out the part. brains are powerful. they can erect towers and build worlds and lie to the body they head. make believe. something i'm really really good at. so, pretend what he says is really true. in that case, either i got to learn not to think so much, or learn to be less depressed. perhaps i should learn when to be depressed and when to let my thoughts roam free.

nine. learn to release anger and irritation and all feelings negative that have been accumulating in a bottle inside of me slowly and not so destructively. i have a tendency to bottle things up and only allow a tinge of my feelings to show, expecting others to get the hint, connect the dots and understand. apparently, not everyone's psychic, not everyone's as sensitive as i'd imagine. but that's ok. i'm not that sensitive either. i've tried not bottle-ing up feelings. didnt work. how do you not bottle it up? i dont geddit. so instead of attempting to show my feelings as and when they pop up, i've decided to find smthg, what they call an avenue, to release bottled-up stuff. mebe i'l start playing with my barbie again.

guess all these are simply ways and means for me to reach my goal. goal is pretty simple. to be the person God wants me to be. pretty sure that includes fearing and loving God. which would then include loving humans. the first one aint too difficult: our God who can simply blink and we're goners, but doesnt do that. instead, He chooses to love us, save us and grow us. what's there not to love about God? second one's trickier: what's there to love about humans? heck, what's there to love about myself? a horrid calculative creature who thinks primarily about itself. seeking to satisfy its needs, seeking personal happiness, seeking personal survival. i didnt see myself as one worth loving, until that vision from God during YMLC. then i understood. answer was right there all along, but somehow, i've overlooked it. if we'd only see thgs the way God sees them. gosh, what a world we would be living in.

anyway, that's my resolutions for this year. hopefully, with God's help, i can get somewhere. even achieving and sustaining one of the nine is good enough. pretty optimistic that i can nail at least one =]

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And in whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

~Colossians 3:15-17

may you have a gOd bLEsSeD new year

(btw, pix frm the Christmas Carnival are out. the pix taken with weichen's cam, i mean : http://orangeturvy.shutterfly.com/action/?a=8AcOGTFq1ZN2FS&notag=1)

me